North Korea played this morning. A 2-1 loss to Brazil. That's not too shabby is it? No. It's not. They looked hungry. Woo hey! What a pun! I'm off and racing!!! This one and only time, I've decided to act like a real journalist and do some research on what The Punters (official legal term) think about it all. Which means...like most modern 'journalists' I've opened Twitter and had a look at what a few knobheads with keyboards and hard-ons think about it. So...here it goes...your one man press gang is gonna get stuck in.
This fella -"Lol.... You mean to tell me that Brazil could only manage a 2-1 over North Korea?!?1... Crazy!!!" Well...sorry fella...but no...it's not crazy. It's football. It's the first round of the World Cup. Not every team is as tactically deficient as Australia...so not every game is a romping 4-0 to the favourite. Knob head.
This bloke - "I never thought I would like anything about North Korea, but was rooting for them today! Strange." Hey bloke...it's not strange...it's football. It's human nature to 'root' for the underdog. Where I'm from root means have sex...so you were having sex for North Korea. That's strange!
This dude - "Denying responsibility 4 wat they've done & even threatening war. North Korea defined wat a rogue regime truly was." Yo....dude...I'm digging the SMS speak, and yeah U R l33t and all dat sh1t...but it kinda arse fucks your argument when you write like a 13 year old girl messaging her friend about some rad boy she met at the mall. Oh, and what the fuck is with the past tense? North Korea still IS a rogue regime l33t boy.
This cock - "word on the street is Brazil could barely beat fucking north korea!?!?" Hi cock. Read what you said. Think about what you MEANT to say. Is it right? Did you mean to suggest that you get your football news from 'the street'? Oh, and did you mean to say that you heard (on the street) that Brazil has fucked a lot of ass...but can barely beat fucking North Korea. They've rarely fucked better?
This fucktard - "brazil vs north korea go brail 2-1 they have it in the bag" Yo, fucktard, North Korea scored in the 89th minute...it's not a bold fucking call to suggest that Brazil will still win...one goal up with just over a minute left to play! Oh, and it's Brazil...not brail...you fucktard.
This cunt - "I love North Korea. Now this is World Cup" Hey cunt...this is World Cup? In Soviet Russia World Cup is youuuuu."
Finally...this champion - "For Brazil, North Korea Not A Walk Through DPRK" Ha ha ha. DPRK...the park! Get it? hahaha! Awesome headline.
Now...here's a song about the Dear Leader...with English subtitles. If you're at school turn the sound off. Killer lyrics.
Sometimes I know that I seem to be a miserable cunt. I know. I whine. I complain and I shake my head. I get all wooly and angsty. But I'm not like that really. In real life I'm the kind of guy who sees rainbows and unicorns everywhere I turn...the world is full of flowers and surprises. Hooray!!
Sometimes...just sometimes...I do get a little pissy. Take Mrs Park for example. The adjumma that I'm teaching in exchange for the odd piece of bread or cup of coffee. Well...she's cancelled a LOT in the past few weeks because her husband has been sick. So...I'm having to make do without the bread and coffee. Now...I had gotten used to the bread and the coffee...so it's annoying to not have it at the moment. What makes me really pissy is that she always cancels late in the day...via SMS and in Korean. Fucked if I know what she says. I always have to track down a teacher to interpret it for me. Sometimes (like yesterday) she forgets to cancel so I go and sit in her cafe for thirty minutes until someone tells me that she's cancelled. That can be annoying. Still...I laugh my way through it all...ha ha ha ha!
I try my best to be happy and understanding. Like the aircon thing. The simple threat of exposing my work chums to the sight of my big white legs was more than enough for the school to sort out the 'technical difficulty' they were having.
A tip for young players. You know...and I know...that my co-ordinator lied to me. She knew all along that there was no 'technical problem', and she certainly never called an 'engineer' to sort it out. When you're new here...you might be tempted to say, "Hey...the 5th Grade teacher said that you're full of shit. He told me that the schools trying to save a few quid ya lying cunt." Well...let me tell you...that approach might work wonders back in Australia...but here in Korea...it would be a total fail! Why? What's wrong with calling a fucking spade a spade? Well...there are a lot of little lies here...to 'save face'. If I told the teacher that I knew she was lying she would 'lose face' and be as upset as all fuck! If you just threaten to wear shorts...you should be right...no matter what the problem...threaten them with your pastey pegs!
Fucking tired. The World Cup is trying to kill me. I was surprised to see those Dok-do stealing occupation merchants snatch a 1-0 result against Cameroon. Fair play and all that guff...they were a lot lucky and a bit good...two things you need to be sometimes.
Tonight sees Slovakia v New Zealand, providing a whole new level of what the fuck for most neutral observers. Not me though...I want the All Whites to have a great tournament. They're clearly racist as fuck, but that shouldn't stop them having a wee bit of fun.
In other news...Microsoft appears to have released an accessory for the X-Box that turns the X-Box into a Wii. Just what the punters were waiting for. Load of old shite. I just want to mash a few buttons on my way to glory...I dinnae wanna fuck about the loungeroom looking like all manner of spastic. I want to play games...not jump about. I didn't get fat running about did I?
I'm sweaty. Not in a good or sexy way. More in a 'this little piggy went to market' kind of way. Why? Because my school has decided to turn off the air con. In my first year I started to wear shorts to work for a time. Why? Because it was fucking hot. The Principal said that only queers and steers wear shorts to his school, and I didn't look much like a steer to him. So...after three happy weeks, I had to go back to wearing a suit. Last year...it wasn't a problem. The school left the air con alone...and I left the school alone. Everyone was happy.
Yesterday...the aiir con wasn't working. It was hot. I didn't have any classes though...so I didn't give a fuck. I asked my co-ordinator about it and she sent me the following message -
"thanks... I talk to an engineer and he will check your air conditioner soon."
She then explained that there was a major problem that had fucked up the air con throughout the school. Fair enough. i can wear that. Shit happens.
In my second class this morning the students were bitching and moaning that the air con wasn't working. They were really angry. Their teacher is the head of Grade 5 and he told them to go and get fucked. He explained (in Korean of course) that the school didn't want to pay for air conditioning any more.
Now...I'm fucking angry. The fact that my co-ordinator fed me this bullshit about the aircon being broken and calling an engineer...that really makes me angry. I have a half a mind to cancel all of my classes this week and just take the kids out for some soccer. It's World Cup Time...so it's justifiable from a teaching culture perspective.
So...I sent the co-ordinator a message suggesting that if the temperature is high...and humidity must be hovering around 90%...then there's no way I'm busting my balls here in a suit. I explained that at lunch time I'm going home to change into shorts, thongs (flip flop for my North American readership) and a t-shirt. I don't care if the Principal doesn't like it. I'm a teacher...I can't fucking teach in sauna!
So...that's this morning's bitch.
I'll write again later...unless I turn into a fucking puddle.
The World Cup. It's a lot of things isn't it? A football tournament. A carnival. A huge televised event. A chance for every dickhead with a keyboard and an opinion to write loads of shit about a sport that they've either never watched before, or haven't cared about since the last World Cup. This is an example of what I mean "From some of the scoring chances they had it could have been 5-0. Greece only had one really good chance on goal." If I may be so bold as to suggest a couple of things here. Firstly, I hate that fuckheaded view that 'if our team scored everything that went near the net...we would have scored five goals'. Where does that end? The other side of that coin is that this mook hasn't even bothered to give the poor old fucking Greeks any of their chances. He reckons they only had one (bullshit), and he still doesn't make the scoreline 5-1. Well...if you are going to hand on cock heaven and want to attribute every shot at goal as a goal...then the score could have been 18 - 6 in favour of Korea. Seems a touch far fetched doesn't it? Yes. It does.
Anyhoo...I'm getting ahead of myself. I wasn't gonna go down this road. I haven't even started on some of the wanky facebook status updates!!! I'm tired of seeing 대한민국 on Facebook. I don't mind it in two cases...and two cases only. Case one...the person is Korean...or has Korean blood. Go nuts...it's your language/culture...own the fuck out of it. I'm sorry for sticking my big fat face in your business. Enjoy. The person is from a country that is not participating in the World Cup. You need a team to follow. Follow Korea. I agree. Enjoy it my Canadian and Irish friends. Update your status all that you want. If you are American, Australian, South African or English...you should still be supporting your own country. Even if your own country is shit and gets demolished by the Germans, or your goalkeeper starts gently pushing the ball into his own net. Watch the Korea games, cheer, chant, sing, laugh and cry. Do all of that good shit. But don't crow about another country winning on your Facebook/blog! What the fuck is that about? Have some class. Like me. I'm one classy motherfucker.
In short. I like people like my mate Joe...he admits to being a newb...and asks newbish questions. He isn't pretending to be Joe Expert like some cunts. Ten points on that front go to Sarah who provides a very honest and sober portrayal of the first game of the World Cup. She says who won the game. She doesn't launch into some wanky analysis of the game pretending that she's a fucking expert. So...top marks to her. In short...a little more Sarah and Joe...and a little less 'it could have been 5 - 0"...and I will be a happy fat man.
It's Friday. You probably know that. You're not some kind of fucking retard who needs to be told what day it is! How condescending! Why...you ought to slap my fat face! Friday is awesome. I fucking love Friday. Grade 6...5 classes...and then in the afternoon...a bit of planning and rest. Mostly planning today. I'm really trying to make something a bit special over on prezi. It's not working yet...but I get the feeling that with ten or so more hours...I will have something worth throwing at my students next week.
The World Cup starts today. Now...some of you will call me a cunt for mentioning that. It's probably condescending as well. But...truth be told...in Korea most people think that it starts tomorrow....because that's when Korea has their first game. I know...it's terribly narcissistic (where the fuck do the s's go in that fucking word????) . They should all be lined up and shot. Then kicked twice and forced to sign Dok-do over to the Armenians. That would teach them! Seriously though (as if I was joking just now), I can dig their attitude on this. Why should they give a fuck about South Africa, Mexico, Uruguay or France? Sure, there are South Africans who teach their children....I met a bloke from Uruguay working at a Brazilian restaurant here...and the French built the KTX (fast train). But these are pissy things...and Mexico has done nothing for Korea except invent food that they can fuck up every time they open a Mexican restaurant here. So why should they care? Why should they give a rats tossbag? Well...put simply...they shouldn't...and probably don't. God bless them. I'm looking forward to the games to be honest. I fucking love the World Cup. I don't know what it is exactly...but it makes me all giddy and moderately excitable! that might be going a bit far. It does make me happy though. I can't wait for it all to kick off.
So...to start with today...some World Cup Songs.
Here's Del Amitri singing 'Don't Come Home Too Soon". This was for France '98 and it's generally panned as being both a 'suicide note' and a little bit too honest. I mean...it's a bit flat isn't it? Why bother going at all? Why leave your bedroom? Fuck it. I'm staying in.
3 Lions next. I don't know why...but I've always liked this song. Less so with Robbie Williams and Russel Brand for some reason. But...fuck me...it's a bit much to release a new version EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TOURNAMENT!!!
New Order - World In Motion. This is it. The only football song that I know of...that actually works as a song! It's brilliant. It's for England. It's New Order. Fucking love it.
1986 - Special Kind Of Hero - Stephanie Lawrence. The World Cup in Mexico was graced by a very special player, and a very 80's theme song. It's the hand of God meets the song of plod. Enjoy!
1990 - Gianna Nannini & Edoardo Bennato - Un'estate italiana - apparently 'captures the essence of Italy...and the World'!!!
1994 - Gloryland...the official song of the World Soccer Ball Kicking Goaltender Cup USA.
Here's Ricky Martin...The Cup Of Life. Nice little video with some shots of France 1998...the World Cup for which this was the official song...it's dire...but official songs ALWAYS ARE!
2002 - Anastacia - "Boom". South Korea and Japan pulled out the big guns...that man voiced weirdo Anastacia! I wonder who will sing the anthem if South Korea wins the rights to the 2022 World Cup? (which won't happen by the way...surely it's just too soon???).
2006 - Il Divo and Toni Braxton - "The Time Of Our Lives". I know....I thought it was that other song as well. You know the one...that Love Generation one. But no...it's this. When I watched the video again...I remembered...but I had no idea otherwise!
2010 - Shakira - "Waka Waka". Yeah...I know...she's clearly stolen from Fozzy Bear! But Waka Waka it is....and...here it is...
Here's Fozzy doing his version of Waka Waka...
I just finished all of my classes. All of that shit above (except for the songs) was written in between lessons. Grade 6 were fucking champs today. It was an ideal lesson in a lot of ways...repeated five times. That's as good as a day gets. So much so that in my last class there was a moment when I was walking back to the blackboard and I just felt good. "Fucking hell...you're a teacher...you're really a teacher." went the little man in my head. It's lame but true. It was one of those strange and lovely moments of clarity that you get sometimes. This...in the middle of a lesson where I had explained to the students that I can understand every Korean swear word that they say, so they shouldn't swear to each other in Korean when I'm nearby...I hd asked a boy to leave the room (for the first time in a year and a half) because he a)swore at his friend about a minute and a half after I said don't swear near me, b)acted like an arse clown during the song (so much so that the big jjang in his group smacked him on the leg (I pretended not to notice)) and c) had arrived at my classroom without a pencil or his English Book. This little trifecta earned the little man a trip to the hallway. Not a big punishment...and I only left him there for four minutes...but it's steaming hot in the 5th floor hallway...and my classroom is a chilly 19 degrees...so he felt every second of those four minutes. I went out...explained to him how he had failed to meet my expectations and sent him back in to stand at the back of the room. No drama. I guess that's the point...I went through all of this shit with the kid...and I didn't feel angry, or bad, or annoyed, or worried. It's just part of the lesson. I figure that's why I felt good. I've finally started to be better at accepting that their bad behaviour is not really about me. If they act up...it's on their insecurities...when I see another teacher lose the plot with a kid...I realise that is on their insecurities too. So you get that bad combo...of insecurity meets insecurity. So...I'm glad that I'm working it all out a little more.
The bigger picture stuff with my school is getting a LOT more cloudy though. The Principal is angry with the English department (which is me). There was an English competition...and we did very badly. So he's pissed off, and doesn't want to hear about English right now. Which is fucked. Don't blame me for our performance in the English Competition! I didn't even know about it until after it was over!! What happened was this...the Ticos is told to get a team together for the competition...so she decides that the English Level at our school is so high, that she can choose the students. If she does it all on her own...she will get the glory when we win...so she chooses from outside of the special class (so that I don't get suspicious) and tells the students in the competition that it's a 'secret competition'...so they don't tell me. She chooses...and coaches. Her English is pretty good...but she doesn't coach them for the competition. it's about English...and general knowledge. We get burnt in the first round...the kids don't have good general knowledge. She picked the wrong kids and now, instead of glory...she gets shit. She's not at school today because of her 'stress burden'. Meanwhile...with all of this shit going on...me and the 20 best English speaking students are all sitting at school doing our special class lessons.
This is the big problem with my school. They don't get me involved in anything. I'm a teacher to them when I am in the classroom...but outside of that...I'm just some dude. There's also the politics of teachers wanting to use these competitions to further their own career...so they take rsks and cut corners. When it all turns to shit they say that I didn't help them. So it reflects badly on me...but if they win...they say that I didn't help them...and it reflects badly on me and they get the glory. It's fucking stupid. I have no need for victories to assist with my 'career'. No. I'm just happy to get on with the job and enjoy my teaching. But...we do get dragged into these fucking things whether we like it or not.
Generally...my dealings at school are a lot like the below...with me in the role of Wu.
(bad language..not safe for work/school)
Still. I don't do this fucking job for my Prinicpal. I don't do this fucking job for the glory chasing 5th Grade teacher. i don't do this fucking job to get dragged into gossip, bullshit, innuendo and disputes. Fuck all of that shit. Fuck it until it sends a fax. I do this job because I enjoy teaching. That's right. Teaching. I enjoy teaching and interacting with my students. My students are fucking champions. I love them. They are intelligent, funny, stupid, goofy, crazy, well mannered and working...all at once. I have mad respect for them. Good kids. It's a privelege to teach them...an honour. I don't take it lightly either. I really enjoy my job, and I get a lot out of it. Because my job isn't any of the bullshit that people around here seem to think that it is.
Oasis. I can remember back to when I hated Oasis. Wonderwall. That's why. Sick to shit of that fucking song. Hearing it every day. Everywhere. It sounded moany and Beatlesy and...British. Fuck it. Fuck it up its shiny arse. That changed. How? Why? Where? When?
Hef. Little Hef. The Little General. The Generalisimo. Top bloke Hef. I was working at a bank when I met him. I'd applied for a promotion and was knocked back...they hired Hef instead. They asked me to help train him...I won't lie...that did piss me off. My work ethic was actually bottoming out when Hef came along, so it was good timing really. We sat together, and I had my C.D Walkman going. I was in a bit of a retro zone in those days. Sitting around listening to Led Zep, The Rolling Stones, and the Grateful Dead. I liked it. It was good fun. Hef was (and probably still is) mad for Oasis. The most into Oasis bloke I've EVER met. No doubt. He fucking loved it. So...he chucked a few Oasis discs on...and...needless to say...I got into it. There's just...something about Oasis. You either have 'it' or you don't...and whatever 'it' was...they had 'it'.
Hef and I became best mates after a time. Strangely. He was a short, super fit, skateboarding catholic. I was (and still am) an average, super fat, cake eating agnostic. An odd couple. We didn't even really like the same things. I liked beer...Hef liked spirits. I liked football...Hef liked Aussie Rules. I liked metal...Hef liked Britpop. I had never had any drug stronger than weed...Hef referred to a time period known as 'back in the day'...which clearly included a large portion of days and nights of checking out. In short...it's difficult to imagine two people less suited to be mates. But...we got along. We both enjoyed music. We enjoyed kicking the football around. We enjoyed going out...chatting to birds and all that brings. We enjoyed playing FIFA on the PS2....and after a little while...Hef got right into the EPL and Arsenal...so we were right as rain.
I've got loads of stories about Hef. Loads. But I've gotta go...work beckons. I'll get back onto this another day. I plan on writing about the past a little more...a weekly or fortnightly "Don't Look Back In Anger" special.
Hef gets the first one though. Why? Because, even though we don't really talk these days, Hef was the mate who got me through the hardest shit I ever went through and he was there for some great stuff. Hef was the one mate who was ALWAYS there. When my Dad died (in more ways than one...I remember sitting in the car on the way to the funeral. A long drive on a wet day...all the way from Melbourne to Bendigo. I was with my Mum and my Stepfather. My Dad dying had a really prfound effect one me, and I don't think that I was really ready for it. Sitting in the back seat that day, I felt tiny, and scared, and old and stupid. Looking out as the trees flew past, getting closer and closer to seeing my favourite person lying stiff and cold in some big fucking shoebox. I slipped What's The Story into my CD player...and put the headphones on. Oasis got me through that shitty fucking day. Thanks Hef) . When I ended my engagement, and had to move out into my own house. When the Nugget moved to Japan. It was Hef who slipped me my first ever pinger in a pub in South Yarra. Hef who took me to my first Strip Club. Hef who suggested going to Canberra to see Oasis...a fucking great night....a night matched by the home concerts in Melbourne a few years later.
There was no major drama with Hef and I. We just stopped hanging out so much at some point, and never really got back into the habit. I still consider him one of my best mates. I don't often reflect on friendships, and I don't often mourn their passing....but...truth be told...I do miss hanging out with Hef...watching the footy, or playing some PS2, or telling strippers that I'm an architect and he's a marine biologist! Good lad Hef...always up for a laugh.
That's what's going down in Suwon town. Not much at all. I'm all booked in for my Orientation. I am not sure how I feel about it really. I got a list of participants...but it was for the Suwon area only, so I don't know how many of my friends will be coming along. Mine is from June 21-23...so if there are any GEPIK people reading this....let me know if you're heading along to that Orientation so I will at least know if I have any buddies to watch the football with.
Aside from that...there's fuck all going on. I've been looking at a nice presentation tool called Prezi. At the Open Class yesterday, the Korean teacher made a nice presentation using Prezi...so I'm keen to have a look at it and see if I can use it for my lessons. It looks good...but a little time consuming. We'll see. Have a look at it...muck about with it...tell me what you think. I won't get any time with it today. Today. Weird start to the day. My first class was a total fucking shambles. Everything went wrong. My PC wouldn't work. I had to keep re-booting the fucker. The kids were restless. One of the little boys poked my leg (near the knee...but I still made him stand at the back of the room for five minutes). I kept feeling like I had too much time. I tried loads of things but the lesson would NOT advance. It was killing me. Then...the next lesson...everything went right...and I loved it. It just worked. I don't know why.
That's the job. That's why I never get too hepped up when I hit a good lesson, or too depressed when I stink up the place. There's always another lesson. There's always redemption. My job is to be patient enough to be redeemed. The kids don't hold to my mistakes or bullshit...and I don't hold on to theirs. It's a team effort. They forgive me and I forgive them. We both have bad lessons.
I didn't do much last night. I spoke to Hubba again. I tried calling Jimi K again...but that fucker's bird addled himself off the face of the planet! I'm surprised he finds the time to put in his footy tips! Great lad JK...but easily bird addled. More on J.K at a later date.
More on everything at a later date....I've got children to confound.
I'm not sure why I'm bothering to write a blog today. It's late. It's 4:11 now. By the time that I finish writing this it will be 4:30...and most of the people who read this (Public School teachers in Korea) will have fucked off home, or (at the very least) stopped paying any attention whatsoever to their computers. Still...it's not like there's anything else to do today. I'm tired as fuck again. Noisy neighbours. The restaurant out the back is noisy as fuck...all night. Cunts.
It's heating up nicely. Proper warm weather now. The temp just nudging 30 every day. A nice tearser for the real weather due to come. It's not real summer yet. I can walk outside for ten minutes and not sweat. In proper summer the soft breeze that comes off the mountain to poke and tickle my school all morning, stops visiting. Fickle little wind that one. My students still play soccer. That will stop when it's really summer. I haven't seen a single dragonfly, or more than five mosquitos yet.
So...in spite of everyone around school complaining about the 'heat'...it's not summer yet.
As for news and the rest of the shit that fills this piece of shit....there isn't much.
Got confirmation that GEPIK will lightly finger my lubricated arse (they are at least lubing meup) by sending me to orientation June 21 - 23. So...I'm gonna miss games like Portugal vs North Korea and Nigeria vs South Korea. It's a bit annoying...but it's life. I am going to be doing a talk for the new teacher types. I'm happy with that. I'm needy enough to enjoy it when I'm invited back to something. If I was beaten, abused and robbed...I would only be unhappy if they didn't try to do it all again. I'd be all, 'see....I'm not even good enough to be robbed again! arghhhhhh. *sob* *sob* *sob*.
Short blog today.
Have a nice arvo sports fans (and you folk who hate sports too I guess).
This won't be as coherent or interesting as the shit I normally write. Which is a big fucking problem when you consider exactly how boring and incoherently rambling the shit that I normally write is. Problem is...I'm tired.
I called the Bird to say goodnight last night and she got onto one of her 'You've changed' style anger rants. She can't help it. I have changed. I often change. It's my nature. It's human nature. i'm a fucking human. I change. I haven't changed much. But she's right onto me. She ken that there's been changes made...and she kens that there was no planning permit applied for or granted. So she was pissed. So we talked for ages. Then I felt like a right cunt and couldn't sleep for a while.
I watched The Wire. I'm up to Season 5 again. I love it. When I finish...I'm gonna watch The Soprano's. I haven't seen The Soprano's in ages. I quite liked it when it was on t.v. I wonder how it will hold to a second (or for seasons 1,2,3, and 4 a third) viewing? Time will tell.
This is all supposing that I don't die from sleep deprivation. I think I might have chronic fatigue syndrome or some other imaginary illness that fat people get so that they have an excuse for being lazy cunts. Yeah. I'm pretty sure that I have that. Poor me. I feel tired all the time. Thank God for Korean public schools and their tolerance for deskplace napping. I am about to check out for the third time today.
What a shitty fucking day. I got to school 16 mintues late. Nobody minds. I am a good enough teacher that a certain level of eccentricity is demanded. Or...maybe the school figures that I'm such a fat, lazy, cuntbox that there's no future in attempting to rehabilitate me? This seems the most likely outcome. Then when I had finally waddled up to my classroom...I realised that although I spent an hour on Friday re-arranging all of the desks...some fucktard had come in on the weekend and arranged them back. Pack of cunts sometimes.
So...I went to my first lesson of the day...and the teacher told me she didn't want me to come to her class any more. She doesn't like the schedule. This woman doesn't speak a lick of English...and my Korean speaking is shitty. I tried to tell her that we don't choose the schedule...we just do as we're told. She just kept saying no. So I called my co-ordinator. It turns out that the teacher (Grade 2) doesn't like me coming to her classroom on Monday morning. She wantsme to come when she needs someone to take the children outside or something. I told her to go and get fucked. Wake up and smell the kimchi! We have a schedule...we follow it. You can't just demand that I see the students when it suits you!! Follow the fucking schedule.
Anyways...I gotta nap now.
I wasn't gonna write two today...but then I re-read the sports one...and it was beneath utter shit...so I came back in the hope of writing something better. This is a real "hope of writing something better" fail isn't it?
I don't know. I have a mate...his name is Brian. He's a great bloke. He is Korean, but he lived in New Zealand for a long time. He is baseball and rugby crazy. He spends a LOT of his time watching one or the other. Nowt wrong with that. I enjoy my sport. I went to see the Bluewings get done 3-1 yesterday. A lovely day of standing about and speaking bollocks in the sun. I spoke a little more bollocks than usual...but that's O.K. So...back to Brian. He's a sports fan. He goes to pretty much every home game at Jamsil regardless of whether it's for the Bears or the Twins...he's a fan of the sport. I respect that. I also respect that nine out of ten of his Facebook status updates are about sport. Without him, I would have no idea how the baseball and rugby were progressing. He's like a one man ESPN for me! So I'm always happy to see his name pop up on Facebook....but today...my man jumped the shark. Here's what he wrote - "Soccer WC D-4, yet no real atmosphere felt around the country. Guess the baseball boom has struck Korea so much recently that almost makes soccer like a second sport? Will find out the moment of truth soon."
Well...if that isn't jumping the shark...i don't know what is. Baseball boom??? Baseball boom??? Really? I guess nobody bothered to tell my students...who spend all of their free time playing football. I've seen one baseball game at my school in over two years. I asked a class of 4th grade students to name a famous person last week...the first name they said? Ji-Sung Park. They mentioned about fifteen people by the end of it...not one of them played baseball.
The average attendance for K-League games last season was a steady 11,226 people per game (not including domestic and international cups). The baseball averaged 11,138 people. So there's not a huge difference in the number of people attending the two sports. Both established national leagues around the same time (1982 for baseball and 1983 for football). Both have strong national teams (the Korean olympic baseball team was highly successful, whilst the football team has been punching above its weight for a while now) and strong national interest. I'm not suggesting that the domestic leagues are really any different. Both are quite similar in terms of exposure and interest. What I am saying is that if you question the pull of the World Cup...then you are underestimating the largest sporting event in the world. Baseball is a fine sport...but even in America it attracts less fans than football (in this case NFL...not soccer).
I think it's dangerous to call the atmosphere surrounding a sporting event four days out from kick off. These things build. On Saturday night...at 20:30 p.m local time...South Korea will play Greece. Anyone who thinks that baseball is the dominant sport in Korea might want to walk past any bar, park, hoff, or stadium (that's right, they're showing it on the big screen at loads of stadiums all around Korea) on Saturday night. Shit...if Korea score...you won't even need to leave your apartment to hear people screaming.
Well...that's the Open Class dispensed with for another year. Now I will have to find something else to cry about. Big fucking baby. I guess I should give you, my dear reader, some indication as to what happened with the Open Class. Well...in my humble opinion, the class went O.K. There were a few fuck ups, but they were minor and glossed over quickly. The class was well enough behaved, but not exactly shiny. The co-ordinator? Well...she did a first class job, and I'm a cunt for ever suggesting that she might do otherwise. I want that on my tombstone. Unless she kills me. If she kills me, then I don't want anything on my tombstone. Leave that fucker blank. I may not have cultivated an air of mystery in life, but I wouldn't mind doing it in death.
So...here's a rundown of how shit happened today. I came in to school..cleared mine and the co-ordinator's schedules and settled in to getting ready for the Open Class. I taught one Grade 6 class...and then the co-ordinator came to my classroom. We got our discussion on...but she was more interested in moving the seats into an un-natural position than she was actually planning any shit. So...I moved my desks around, so that they were in a configuration that made her happy. Then...it was time for lunch. We ate, and then went back to the English room, and watched the Grade 6 girls who clean my room running about fighting and giigling and generally being sweet but cunty. I could tell that the co-ordinator wanted to throttle the poor little things.
Then...around 20 minutes before the class started...the homeroom teacher arrived with her students. So...we sang a song together, and I joked with them. A few teachers from other schools came along. First was that read headed fella from England. A new teacher. Nice fella. Then came Jane Teacher and her co-teacher. I got the kids to say hello to them both. The kids enjoyed that. Happy little fuckers. They love meeting people. Then Sarah came in with her co-teacher. I think her co-teacher is new...i don't remember seeing her before. (You may remember Sarah from my short lived blog war. Her blog is here. Most people like it more than my blog. Her blog has lots of photos. A lot less whining as well. I shouldn't have added that link. Her blog is so shiny and interesting...that I genuiunely doubt most of you will come back. You disloyal cunts!) It has been a long time since I last saw her and it was nice of her to attend the open class. It must be kind of shitty to have three quarters of your time in Korea finished, but still have to attend Open Classes. Having said that...I kind of enjoy getting away from school sometimes. Aside from those two girls and the red headed fella, there were two other chaps. One very tall jock looking chap who I met at the Open Class I went to the other day (nice fella), and one littler fella who was bald but kind muscley (also a nice fella). So...eleven teachers from other schools (including co-teachers). A big crowd compared to last years zero (it was an 'in house' open class) and the four that came in my first year.
Still...I've developed a lot as a teacher over the past couple of years, so I wasn't bothered about the numbers. I was more nervous because I know Sarah and Jane. Knowing people...makes for a more nervous Burndog. So...the co-ordinator was getting really anxious about the lesson and wanted to start early...so we did. We started four minutes early. This is kind of annoying. On my lesson plan, I have a precise time marker for each part of the lesson...maths isn't a strong suit...so changing the time means that have to try and do maths every time I want to work out whether or not we have time for something. The lesson started well. The 'banter' style chit chat stuff with the kids answering some simple questions. Then we sort of descended into the awkward star. The co-ordinator explained what we would do, and I went over and started the first song of the lesson. All was well. I had been told to include the ADHD kid as much as possible so that he would behave (five minutes before the first teachers arrived he went mental and belted another kid in the face). So...i had him participate in the song. Not a huge success...but probably funny.
Long story short...the rest of the lesson went alright. We made some simple mistakes (we asked the kids who the characters were standing next to a tent...they said Minsu and Tony. I was at the blackboard, so I couldn't see my book...and the co-ordinator has trouble identifying the kids (they all look the same to her) at all. So...we said yes. It was Minsu and 'Paul'. A one off character who we will probably never see again) and I felt that the game was a little boring for the kids sitting down (I guess you had to be there). But...the kids had fun. They enjoyed having the two of us teach them. They tried their best, and they really, really liked the songs, and the games. So...it was a good lesson.
The feedback was very kind. Sarah noticed the character confusion...which was good because I noticed at the time, but had forgotten about it. It was a silly mistake, and I guess if I ever co-teach for real, I'll need to be mindful of the whole 'who can verify that,' problem. We sat down for some coffees and some painfully forced chit chat. I made some terrible comments about the rabbits...but I was stuck. I hate sitting around in large groups in uncomfortable silence. Strangely, the Ticos (Teacher In Charge Of Special Class) took charge of the after class chit chat. Telling the nice guy jock off because he politely asked me a question...apparently any discussion was to be had AS A GROUP!!! She kind of killed any hope that I had that we could sit in little groups and chit chat casually. She was very bossy..and then when she'd had enough...she kept trying throw everyone out...in the least subtle way possible (saying...hey...it's time to go...I have things to do). She could have left. Weird shit.
So...happy that's over...here's the weekend. Happy days.
Thanks for being a loyal Burnfan! Have a lovely weekend...stay safe...and have a couple of drinks for me hey???
...and oh what heights we'll hit, on with the show this is it! At least that's what Bugs Bunny used to say. Easy for him though isn't it? He's not real. He's a cartoon character. He has scripts and artists and a distinct lack of live performance. Performance. It's shitty that I'm a teacher, but this open class shit is less about teaching than acting. Remembering your lines and your cues. Doing everything according to the run sheet. Setting up the stage, and then bumping out. It's not what it's supposed to be. I won't lie...I'm nervous. I don't ken why. I wouldn't be worried at all if people from other schools didn't come. I teach in front of my teachers all the time...they don't give a fuck. But having people from other schools come in, and judge my teaching, based on some fucking puppet show where I have to co-teach with someone I've never been in a classroom with before! Well...that's a load of shit. Like I said to my co-ordinator in an angry rant yesterday...if was just me...I wouldn't be bothered. It's the whole bullshit co-teaching thing. I don't co-teach. i don't ken how to really. I've co-taught two times in two years. Both for Open Class. It's a scam. If people want to see my lessons...they can drop in any day, any time...I'm happy to have people watch my lessons. I just don't want to do this dog and pony show where I am forced to pretend that my school is normal, and that I co-teach all the time. What a crock of shit.
Anywho...aside from that...not much to report today. My 'co-ordinator' cancelled one of my 6th Grade classes but didn't tell the Homeroom teacher...so they came into my classroom and were stunned that I was shocked to see them. That's not much of a story...just a tiny window into what happens. I called my mate Hubba last night. God bless Hubba. He's a good bloke to call when I'm homesick. He always answers...and he's always happy to hear from me and have a wee blether about anything I like. Top fella Hubba. I don't have a lot of friends...but the ones I do have are dipped in solid fucking gold. But then...everyone thinks that their friends are great don't they? otherwise...why be mates with them? Makes sense.
I have to go. I have cancelled the next two lessons for me and the co-ordinator. We need to sort this shit out. In the theatre they would say..."rehearse"...and I guess that's what we need to do..."rehearse" this shit.
Wish me luck Burnfans. If I get time, I will put up a 'post Open Class review' later tonight...but I'm just as likely to go home and watch the football and pray for my brain to die.
Hello! I'm not big on issues here. I'm not going to start being big on issues either. Not today at any rate. What I am big on...is shit my students like. I found this online today. It's a Google Earth style thing, with the slick from the BP disaster in it. My students don't know shit about the oil spill...but they do enoy placing the oil slick in different places, "Teacher, Dokdo, Dokdo!" or "Teacher, Tokyo, Tokyo."
Try it with your students...they might enjoy it. They might think it's a piece of shit. They might cockpunch you and bury you with a PDRK flag half shoed up your arse. I don't know. These are the chances that we take when we meddle with technology.
It's special class time right now. Grade 5 and 6 Special Class. The worst students have all dropped out...I have ten left (down from fifteen). All of the Principal's additions are gone. So today, we are celebrating the fact that we are down to the correct squad. We are playing games. Guess Who, Twister, Monopoly, The Game Of Life. It's a strange thing. Ten little kids all mucking about, and all that I can hear is English. A noisy fucking sea of English. Even when they fight with each other...they fight in English. Makes a fucker proud.
I judged the Grade 3 speech contest this afternoon. The winner was the girl who said that 'Korean is fast becoming a global language.' She anticipated that other languages would soon become obsolete due to the fact that they weren't scientific. Korean is a very scientific language. I'm surprised that I bother with English at all really. So...she won. Of course. It was neck and neck with her and little boy who spoke about skeletons. His speech was good...but he didn't show enough Korean pride for me to put his name on top. All of the Korean teachers agreed that his speech was good...but second. Oh well...next year he might come to school with the right speech in his sky rocket.
Two posts in a day!!! you can tell that I am procrastinating!
It really does. Maybe it's the change of seasons. I dunno. For some reason a whole heap of expats that I know are all going through the same kinda funk. Wondering what to do. How to feel. Kinda homesick, but not wanting to actually go home. For a lot of public school re-newers this is the time of year where you book your flight home...so you might call people back home a little more. You might start to dreamily think of sitting in a nice little cafe, eating a real breakfast while you watch the morning fog slowly release Melbourne from its clammy grip. You might start to think about friends that you haven't seen for years, beers you've missed, weddings you won't get to see, babies that you know by name and Facebook photo only. You've got an advanced class, a friend you're worried about in America, annoying students, the prospect of humidity and communication issues that you didn't have two weeks ago. Everything starts to piss you off.
This happened to me last year as well. At roughly this time of year. So I'm not as shocked by my own cuntyness this year. In fact, I'm trying really hard not to get into a funk. Not to worry about the past or the future or even the present. Open Class will be gone after tomorrow. Sure, I will be here until nine tonight 'rehearsing' with my "co-ordinator". Me worrying about HCW doesn't actually help her...but I worry anyway...so there's nowt I can do about that! My students are no more annoying now than they have been for the past two years, it's all in my head. Prospect shmospect. The communication issues are just because I'm angry and want to say more to people than usual.
So...all of that shit aside...how am I?
Good. Yesterday was a great day. I hung out with the Bird. We went to the Doctor about my condition. It was all very surprising. But my condition is good (which is what I suspected, but the Bird insisted that I had mentioned an ailment to her). After that we walked from Suwon station over to Hwaseo Fortress. It's a nice gaff the old fortress. It's probably the tenth or twentieth time I've been there. I've only walked the WHOLE fortress (it takes about two hours I think) four times....but I still like the place. The Bird and I visited the fortress together on the day that I asked her to make a couple (yes, we are in High School), so every time we visit there she gets a bit misty eyed and excited.
We hopped on the bus back to Yongtong, had some Japanese food, grabbed four pitchers of beer and went back to the gaff. We watched Eurovision. The Bird was amazed. She didn't really pay attention last year. She was stunned to see that there were so many countries in Europe. She knew Italy, France, Germany, The U.K, Ireland and Spain. Anything elese was new and interesting. I don't know what they learn in school...but it clearly isn't geography. Anyhoo...we got pretty drunk and watched tv and then had some Mexican and she went home. Probably one of the nicest days off I've ever had. Thank-you Korean politicians.
Today...I'm sitting at my desk. First period was cancelled. My second class are a little late...but they'll be here soon enough.
So I should go.
Bye bye!
For those of you who missed it as late breaking news the other day...here's Kim Yuna singing again.
A late update to the blog...marking my first 'two post day' in a long, long, long, long, time!
But...it has to be done. Kim Yuna has gone and sung in another song! I know! IT NEVER ENDS!!!
It's called 'Smile Boy' and it goes wooo oh ohhhh oh woooo oh a lot. Here it is...I'm sure you will love it. Or hate it. I can't read minds can I mate?
Today has been the definition of a simple day. I woke up early. Got to school on time. My first two classes went well, but no so well as to be memorable. The Bird called me. She has tomorrow off. She has made me an appointment to see a doctor (I don't remember what she wanted me to see a doctor about...she has a list in her head) tomorrow. She has also been looking into banking options. I need a debit card so that I can access my Korean money when I travel to Australia and the Philippines. She said that she called every bank...and it can't be done for foreigners. i told her that isn't true. She said I should just open the account in her name, and then it will all be fine. I don't know. I love her...and I trust her...but putting an account in her name with my cash in it? It just feels wrong. Especially when I know that the bank is just blowing smoke up her arse. So...I'll say yes, but work my own shit out on the side. That's how it has to be. Then my third class was noisy coming in. So I told them off. Took them outside the room and made them line up. They wouldn't calm down, so I made one of the noisiest boys stand with his face against the wall. Then...because their jjang (or leader) had been suitably quelled...they were quiet. The jjang's second in command got a wee bit pissy on his way in...mocking the whole thing...so he got put against the wall as well....as did "Little Man" who had followed the 2 IC's lead. So...I made them sit about a metre from the blackboard. I drew a dot on the blackboard in front of them and said if they looked away from the spot, I would call their parents. Then I played the new Big Bang/Kim Yuna 'Shouts Of Korea', a funny Coke commercial and an Optus commercial (for the World Cup). So the three bad boys couldn't see them. Then I played the song that we have been singing for the unit, and took the bad boys outside, one at a time for a chat. I didn't raise my voice or any of that shit. You don't need to. I just explained that I expect more from them. They were little angels after that. Result. My fourth period was normal.
Lunch was average. I bumped into the Gold Miss teacher after lunch, and she was really happy to see me. Rubbing my arm, and grabbing my hands, she said that my hair was 'sexy'. I felt like a woman in an office in 1954. I was waiting for her to slap my arse and tell me that she wanted to see me in her office. She asked me (in the pouty way she asks things) why I don't have coffee with the Grade 6 teachers anymore. I explained that the Music Teacher racially vilified me...and she is Korean...and I am foreign...so all of the teachers will know her mind, and will not care about mine. She looked really upset. She said sorry a lot. She grabbed my hands. She promised that 'I love you. All teachers do love Mattoo Teacher!!!' She implored me to come back for coffee.
I said that I might on Monday.
That's been my day so far.
I'm fucking tired...a little grumpy...and leaving it here.
