Let's tempt fate a little...

Now...I have only three minutes so this is gonna be really brief...but please allow me a moment...and let's tempt fate.

So far...after two lessons...i have not become angry with YouYou! A little pissy about her keeping the windows closed...but I did open them (she is closing them at the end of each lesson though)...a little pissy about her skipping a class last week to observe an Open Class, and then teaching them four pages today as though it she's entitled to do that. The thing is...the Open Class wasn't even an English Lesson!! How she can think that fannying about and cancelling classes is in any way helpful for the students is so far beyond my comprehension that it has six cocks and a handbag. I mean...it's what I hate about her...she's so fucking selfish!

The kids complain that they're hot...she closes the windows because her eyes get watery. She skips lessons to be all fucking matey and watch her friend's Open Class. She doesn't listen to anything that anyone else says and just steamrolls along...fucking everything up for everyone! 5th Grade are rapidly becoming cunty...and it's because they have less than zero respect for her. It's disgraceful. The worst side effect is that they'll be 6th Graders next year, and their attitude toward the English Department will be fucking terrible!

YouYou needs to work it out...or go. There's no other option.

As for yesterday's debate about the 42,000 Won...here's my response.

Some different kind of shit...

Hello again!  So, did you cunts enjoy my ten minute weather report earlier?  I'm sure that you must have loved it!  I'm generating more ball sweat than a Sumo in a boiler suit, thanks to my school and their un-fatman friendly aircon policy!  The cunts!  I might just have to break out the shorts again!  In my first year, I decided that it might be alright to wear shorts to school...one of the other male teachers wore shorts every single day...so i figured that it would be gravy if I rocked the old leg presenters as well.  See...back in my first year...there was no English Zone...so I had to go from Home Room to Home Room and some of the teachers would have the fucking heating on when it was 26 degrees!!!  Needless to say...I was dead fucking wrong about the whole shorts thing..  It was O.K for about a month...and then the Principal asked the "Rabbit Teacher" (so nicknamed by the other teachers because the Principal made this poor young bloke chase the rabbits around at the end of every school day) to tell me to stop wearing shorts.  It didn't go well.

Rabbit Teacher - "Hello Burndog Teacher!  You are wearing shorts.  It is hot today."
Burndog - "Yeah!  It's steaming!"
Rabbit Teacher - "I don't like you wearing shorts."
Burndog - "O.K mate....thanks for the input.  I don't like the shit you wear either."
Rabbit Teacher - "I don't want you to wear any more...these shorts."
Burndog - "Ever heard of the Rolling Stones?  You can't always get what you don't want cobber."
Rabbit Teacher - "Don't wear them.  O.K?"
Burndog - "You're taking the piss."
Rabbit Teacher - "O.K?  You don't wear."
Burndog - "Piss off."
Rabbit Teacher - "We think man teacher should not wear.  Only P.E"
Burndog - "We?  Who the fuck is 'we'?
Rabbit Teacher - "Principal.  We is Principal."
Burndog - "Shit!  No worries mate...you should have opened with that...would have saved a lot of time."
Rabbit Teacher - "You don't wear?"
Burndog - *walks away...goes home...puts on suit...wears suit every day since*

So...maybe....if they don't put the a/c on some time soon...I might rock the shorts again!  It might lead to another awkward exchange between me and the Rabbit Teacher...who is still here after a two year absence for his Military Service (he was a driver on Jeju Island...one of the sweetest Military Service gigs going...unless the Japanese get all juiced up and decide to invade again).

So...it's Monday.  I taught four classes with YouYou today...and I know that some of you are here today, expecting me to slag off YouYou...and I would love to do that...but...I can't.  Not because I have a gag order...not because I don't want too...but...the simple fact is...she didn't get to me today!  Was she cunty at times?  Yes!  Did she do things that would make a normal person want to slap her upside the head?  Sure!  Did she speak to me in a condescending way and insinuate that she is my boss?  Yes, on more than one occassion!  But...it didn't piss me off today.  I expected all of it, and was insulated.  I just nodded a lot and thought horrible things in my head...but really...today was as good as it gets with her...which isn't great news...but it's true. 

What did piss me off today was YouYou telling me, at 12 that I would have to judge the speech contest this afternoon at 1....

YouYou - "You hab to judge da speech contest dis apteroon."
Burndog - "I don't know.  Nobody said anything to me about it."
YouYou - "Da TiCOS didn't tell to you?  You hab to do da contest."
Burndog - "I'll have to speak with the TiCOS...I can't do it unless I'm told."
YouYou - "Well...I just told you!"
Burndog - "With all due respect...you're not my boss!  I'm sure that I have to do it, but until the TiCOS can give me the details I can't really say."
YouYou - "I can say!"
Burndog - "Congratulations!"

With that I left.  I asked the TiCOS about it...and sure enough...my afternoons this week shall be devoted to judging speech contests.  Fuck my life!  I have six extra periods of work this week...all non-teaching...but all taking away from the time I have to actually plan my lessons!  It's frustrating for three reasons.  Firstly...I do actually make my own materials for class...and this takes a lot of time. Especially for the Special Class (which has NOT been cancelled!).  This shit takes time to make, especially when we're starting new chapters in 3rd and 4th Grade this week, which means (because the books are new) that I have to make a buttload (not a real butt) of new material for these lessons. 

Secondly...and this is an important thing to consider...it's always a total waste of time having me there.  Invariably, what happens is what just happened (I've just returned from judging first grade), I walk in, sit down, and write down my honest opinion.  Then, after careful consideration, the teachers choose their favourite students from each class to finish first, second and third.  Usually, the senior teachers finish first and second and the others scrap it out for third.  It's fucking terrible.  The girl who won the contest I just watched...she finished third on my sheet...but scored 100% on all of the other sheets.  I scored her at 80...she lost a lot of points due to the fact that she couldn't say l, q or r properly...the rest of the stuff she did very well.  The kid that I had in first...well...he's in the youngest teacher's class...so he might get third...but they didn't look too keen on even that.  We sat and negotiated for ten minutes and then the TiCOS and I left.  On our way back upstairs, the TiCOS said, "they have decided to make the decision themselves."  So...why did I just spend 40 minutes listening to little kids sing the collected works of Mariah Carey (I shit you not, 1st Grade this year had to 'sing a song' instead of doing a speech...fucking horrible!)?  It shits me.  I don't want it to shit me...but it does.  

Now, the third reason why it shits me is the petty reason that I've saved until last.  According to my contract, I should get paid 7,000 Won per lesson that I have to partake in as overtime, if I am not teaching.  So...I should bet paid 42,000 Won for my troubles...but...the only way to get that sweet cash is to ask for it...and asking for it makes you look like a cuntish mercenary, with no heart.  So...I have to decide if 42,000 Won is worth the relative harmony of my working relationship with the TiCOS. 

Hmmm...

Keeping my cool...

Hello there Burnfans!

How are you?  I'm alright...I'm keeping my cool!  Well...sort of.  It's fucking hot at my school now.  It seems that as of yesterday, Korea has decided to commence humidity.  I don't mind that...in fact...I get pissy about the constant complaining about the weather that I hear.  "It's so cold."  "It's so hot."  It never fucking ends!  Especially in Korea where it seems to be freezing cold for 5 months, and scorching hot for 4 months...leaving 3 months of temperatures that don't make people complain. 

In the past I haven't really bitched about the temperature very much...purely because the old Principal used to let a motherfucker control his own classroom temperature!  So I kept shit cool!  Now...I have to teach in three different classrooms...with three different teachers...and the new Principal is one of those 'let's never use the airconditioning in the classrooms because it is a waste of money' types.  Now...I've been to her office...and the airconditioning is ON down in that bitch...that's fo' sure!  It's a nice even 21 degrees down there!

This is what shits me!  Using an airconditioner in a classroom to cool thirty students and two teachers is a waste of money...using an airconditioner to cool one old woman...well...that's the price the school has to motherfucking pay!

More later...

Here's a little something...

Hello there Burnfans!

How are you?  Grand?  Good?  Great?  Wonderful shit! 

The Open Class went well.  The TiCOS kept her cool all day...aside from in the class before the Open Class when she criticised me in front of the students.  I was going too quickly...but I feel like she could have told me after class rather than interrupting me...but that's just being picky.

So...that's all.

I'm fucking tired.

Here's something I posted over at What Would Fucktard Do...have a look.


Have a great weekend!

I'm outta here!

Man Shitty, Fantasy Football and Tommo...

Good morning Burnfans!  It's time for a wee chat about football and Fantasy Football and other things that people don't want to chat about.  Don't worry...even if you are not a big fan of the sport...I promise that there will be enough swearing and anger to keep you at least moderately interested. 

So...those of you who are big enough Burnfans will remember this from last year.  The episode where Tommo decided to get all drunk and retard strong on the keyboard....for those of you who don't enjoy links...here is Tommo's original Facebook post...and my reply -

"Tommo - You joined the our comp again? haha.. You were awful in WC fant.. Daz was right about you.. good luck buddy!!!"

To which I replied -

"Burndog  - Tommo...if you're going to dribble on my wall a basic grasp of the English language would be appreciated. What the fuck is "joined the our comp?" I mean...I have retarded Korean kids at my school who understand English better than that.

Get your hand off it Tommo...you might be able to type better."

That's the basic story.  Tommo apologised the next day and said that he was drunk.  Fair enough.  We all do things we regret when we're drunk don't we?  Yeah...of course we do.  However...we all know...there's a knub of truth in that drunk shit.  When your girlfriend calls you a fat, lazy, cunt of the highest order whenever she's drunk...she really means that shit...no matter what she says the next day. 

Anyways...the Fantasy Football season is over.  Tommo finished seventh.  Heff finished eighth.  Burndog finished second.  So Tommo can chew on my sweaty sack.  I told him as much...I wrote this on his Facebook wall -

"You joined the our comp again? haha.. You were awful in WC fant.. Daz was right about you.. good luck buddy!!!"

Good season Tommo...7th? Heff in 9th?? I'm not happy with my 2nd place...but at least I never talked trash!

So...you can see that I quoted Tommo in the first sentence part of the quote...the part that displays the English talents of a retarded Norwegian seal farmer?  Well...here's Tommo's reply...it's brilliant.

You still hanging onto that? Btw, aren't you an english teacher? Not the best grammar.. I was doing great until January, when I went on a holiday and I slipped off - sorry for having a life outside of fantasy football. I will never stop the trash talk.. We are thinking of starting a Champions league fantasy comp, and if Aresnal can make past the qualifying stage, you are welcome to join.. C'mon City!!!

and before I could reply...

And after that - make a spelling and grammar mistake.. Btw - Daz is happy just to be in the top ten. He says he wasn't paying attention, but i know for a fact he was..

So...let's go over the reply together.  He starts off being amazed that I remember his trash.  Well...let me just say this...I don't get trash talked all that often...but when I do...it's normally by keyboard warriors like Tommo...sitting on their arse a long way away....so yeah...I remember that shit.  Especially when it's delivered by a chump.  He then has a go at the spelling and grammar...which...as far as I can see...is fine in the section that I wrote...but horrible in the section that I quoted.  Now...any Burnfan will tell you that I make the odd mistake with my spelling and grammar...I'm a human being after all...but Tommo starts his critique with "BTW,"  What the fuck is that shit?  Now, let's move onto the excuse.  Tommo, having slagged me off for not doing well enough in previous FF seasons, decides that he 'has a life outside of Fantasy Football'!  Come on son!  You don't slag someone off about something and then try and take the moral fucking high ground when you lose!  My problem in the past was that I didn't really pay any attention to my FF team.  I'd just sign the three best Arsenal players and then other dudes I knew.  I never bothered looking for defenders who were really playing in midfield (thanks Coleman and Elmo)...I never bothered checking the fixture list and rotating defenders and goalkeepers accordingly...no...I didn't bother...until you slagged me off!  You 'went on a holiday'?  What a shithouse excuse!  Where did you go Tommo?  Somewhere without the internet?  What a load of shit!  

I also love the way Tommo has clearly slagged off Daz for finishing one place below him!  He mentions that Daz says he didn't pay attention...so clearly there was some discussion...and Tommo...even lifted Daz's excuse!!!  What a lame act!

"I will never stop the trash talk".  What a load of old wank.  See...I know Tommo through Daz (aka Heff).  Now...Daz is a great bloke...popular, friendly, funny, outgoing...a whole heap of decent things...but most of all...a champion at talking trash.  Now, I've long suspected that Tommo wants to be Daz...and his fumbled attempts at 'trash talk' are proof of this theory!  Now...the biggest difference between Daz's trash talk and Tommo's?  Daz backs it up.  If Heff slagged me off about the Fantasy Football...he'd put in a decent effort and crush me.  Tommo...it's not trash talk if you big yourself up and then lose...it's masturbation.  Which leads us neatly into City.

Man City.  Tommo is a Man City fan.  He also knows fuck all about football, as can be evidenced by his gloating above.  His team go out and spend a wad and a half of oil money...play horrible football for a year...and win their first trophy since black and white...and he wanks on like they won the treble!  It's just insipid.  Especially when the other team in your city is so much better than you...and has been for a long, long time!  Tommo...are you Tottenham in disguise? Tommottenham?  You're taking the piss!  Man City are a joke.  They've tried to sign every name in the business and ended up with Tevez (who is the definition of a mercenary), Balotelli (who aside from being a nutter, can't even dress himself), a couple of Toures, and assorted other cunts.  I mean...you're gloating about that?  Come on son.  You finished third and won the F.A Cup.  It's not a bad season...but hardly worth yanking your plank over.  A United fan would be embarrassed by the season you've had...and you're gloating?  It just goes to show how small minded City fans are...and how small minded they'll always be.  You can't buy self respect.


So...that wraps up the "World Of Fantasy" feature on the old Burnblog.  It was an enjoyable season...I managed to win my first league in the old FF, came second in the afore mentioned league and third in another.  I will do better next season...having learned from my mistakes.

As a footnote...I should say that Tommo is a good bloke...and I appreciate the banter.  Anything that gives me material for the blog...I appreciate.

It's all right here...and Formspring...and shit...

Hello Burnfans!

It's a hot one today!  Not sure what the temprature actually is...but it feels fucking hot up here on the 5th floor of my school...especially with no breeze coming into my un-airconditioned shit-box office.  Horribly still day...and 28 degrees accordingto my phone.  It feels pretty humid too...probably because we're not used to the humidity yet.  Who knows?  Not me!  I don't know shit...and I prove it too you day after painful fucking day!

Now...I've developed a wee bit of YouYou fatigue!  I'm sick of talking about her...however...I will go over her conversation with the TiCOS at lunch.
YouYou - "Oh, but today it was so hot in da classroom."
Burndog - "Well...you should try opening your windows...let some air in."
YouYou - "But I hab da eye allergy, my eyes make da tears if I open da window."
TiCOS - "It doesn't matter, if it's too hot, you must open the window."
YouYou - "My eyes get da allergy reaction if I open da window."
TiCOS - "Yes, but if the children are uncomfortable, you must open the window."
YouYou - "But I am allergy to da flowuhs on da mountain.  If I open da window my eyes will be sore."
TiCOS - "You should go and see a doctor!  Open the windows!"
YouYou - "I can't open da window.  I have da allergy.  I went da doctor, and he said, "You have da allergy reaction, don't open da window."'
TiCOS - "If the children are too hot they will complain and their mother will call the school."
YouYou - "I will open da windo for da Open Class."
TiCOS - "It's not enough!  You are a teacher, and only one person!  You must try and think about the students."
YouYou - "But...I hab da eye allergy reaction."
That's where I stepped in.  This is almost word for word.  It's a really good example of how YouYou talks to you without listening...and just repeats her main premise no matter what you say!  It drives me fucking mental!  I don't think it did much for the TiCOS' general disposition either! She was ready to cockpunch YouYou I reckon!

So...that was pleasing.  It made me realise that I'm not the only person who can be driven to madness by YouYou!  The result is that the TiCOS is pretty unhappy...I literally JUST saw her (hardly a celebrity signing) and she said that YouYou has been avoiding her all afternoon...and that the other teachers all agree with the TiCOS.  I think it's been an educational week for YouYou...she's learning a lot.  She's discovered that if the TiCOS asks her to prepare shit for the Speech Contest...she should prepare it.  She's had the opportunity to notice that fighting with the TiCOS about shit has wider implications than fighting with me.  Finally, she's about to learn that her 'teaching style' isn't good enough for this school.  Her Open Class is going to be a big wake up call I reckon...with the Principal, Vice Principal and assorted parents watching her faff about.  The TiCOS and I will deliever an Open Class on Friday...if the P and VP haven't found YouYou's class lacking on the Thursday...they will on the Friday!  I mean...there's no comparing a TiCOS and Burndog mega lesson with a YouYou solo hour.  So...she's either going to learn from the little knocks she's taken this week and get better at everything...and thrive....or she's gonna think that she still knows better and find herself on the outs.  There's no third option kids.

Formspring!
"Is it totally wrong that I'm apprehensive when I meet people for whom their main identity is christianity? I feel bad for judging Christians but I've had bad experiences with people whose main identity is their religion only."

Is it totally wrong?  Don't ask me to judge you my son, for only the Lord himself can judge the sheep within his righteous flock.  Just fucking with you!  You are entirely correct to be apprehensive about these fucktards!  Why? Even though you've kind of answered why a little bit in your question...allow me the chance to add a layer of shit to your why.  The trouble is...these cats normally land on their feet in one of two ways.  They're either boring, naive seeming, ridiculous cunts who pray if they're lunch is late, and think that if there is a God he really has the time or effort to ensure that their cunting rissotto is adequately seasoned!  Cunts!  Or...they spend their entire lives posting Facebook status updates about how awesome Jesus is, whilst they live lives that are the exact opposite of everything they spout.  So you get a few Facebook status' about 'keeping shit real for Jesus' and what have you...and then you see them date raping themselves on a dance floor in Itaewon at six in the morning.  It's all a fucking scam.  The rapture will occur on October 22nd at 7:24 p.m...so those of us who sin will have to wait until the Late Night News to find out where all of the boring cunts went.

"what is your favourite number and why?"

4:30...because it's when I finish work.


"Hey Mr. Burndog! what is exactly 'Burndog'?? is that a kind of dog or something? I can't find it. please leave me any photos of burndog!!"

Hey Burnfan!  I am Burndog.  It's my name.  See...back in the deep dark parts of time...I was birding this terrific lass named The Nugget.  Well...she has six older brothers...and they decided that they wanted to call me Burndog...I decided that I would let them!  It stuck.  BURNDOG!

"I love that you say the fucktard.  My Dad uses that too..."

Yeah.  Funny.  Let's talk about Dad's hey?  Well...my Dad never says fucktard...because he's dead.  Yeah.  You and your appropriate joke.  Hahaha...Burndog's Dad is dead...let's have a laugh.  Real funny cuntbox.
I'm only kidding!  Not about the dead part...unfortunately my father has passed on...but I'm not really sensitive about it.  My old man was a lovely fella...but he never said fucktard.  He said 'dickbrain' a lot. More than anyone I've ever met.  He was a fucking champ at saying fucktard.

So...that's that for today!  I'll leave the other stuff I mentioned for another day!

Take care Burnfans...and feel free to ask me anything....below!

Lots to talk about...

There's a load of stuff flowing about today...but no time to get stuck into it all for you...so...just a teaser now and then a full blown load of it tonight (time permitting).

First of all...YouYou and the TiCOS had a bit of a toe-to-toe during lunch.  Nothing major...but it was a srurreal enough argument that the TiCOS got a taste of what I'm talking about...and I ended up stepping in and helping to ease the tension..  The argument was about how hot YouYou's classroom is.

Secondly...I have some cracking questions sitting in my Formspring...and I'm gonna answer them...so if you have a question...send it into the Formspring and I will answer it today.

Thirdly...the English Premier League Season has ended...and so too my Fantasy Football season.  Did I knock that lippy cunt Tommo off his perch, or will he get the last laugh?

Finally...other shit...suicides in Korea...Open Class...Brian saying stupid things on his Facebook...and a whole heap of potential shit that's been in my lumpy old brain box.

It's gonna be rad. 

I think I will bang it out after dinner...and then after my wank...I will write the blog!  Woo hey!

There's a wasps nest outside my office window...but it's too hot to close the window.  Dramatic times Burnfans!

It's a downward spiral...

Heya Burnfans!

I told you to tune in later...and I was right.  Things are definately getting weirder here at Generic Korean Elementary School.  To fill you in as best I can...I had best start where we left things.  I had returned to my office because YouYou's classroom had turned into a total fucking furnace.  I then had a chat with the TiCOS, who agreed that it might be better for me to judge the 6th Grade Speech Contest, rather than pretend to judge the fake 5the Grade Speech Contest.  No shit.  So...I went and watched the 6th Grade Speech Contest while YouYou didn't teach the 5th Grade students all on her own. 

All is going well...until...after fifth period I leave the main English Classroom and there is a group of fifth grade boys waiting for me.
"YouYou called me a bad name", says one.
"YouYou hit me, YouYou hit me!!" yells another.  So...I had the boys explain what had happened.  No...YouYou didn't hit the boy.  Not in my opinion.  It sounds more like she pushed him in a VERY rough kind of way.  Not sure why.  You can't trust students to give you a decent answer to why shit happened.  I told the boys that I'm sorry that it happened, and that I will talk to the TiCOS about it.  I also told them to discuss it with their mother if they still felt upset when they got home.  I doubt that they will...but...at the same time...I think YouYou is on a bit of downslope at the minute.  If she doesn't pick her shit up...she might be fucked.

That's the major news.  In other news...I'm going back to Boracay for two weeks in August...and might be heading to Japan for the long weekend in June.  More on that some other time!

Night night for now!

You're....unbelievable!

Good Morning Burnfans!

My YouYou problems continue.  We knew that they would.  Still...it's Tuesday...so it's the last day that we spend any time together for the week. 

So...allow me to start at the very...ummm...start of today's pile of shit.  Yesterday I went to see YouYou about what the frack we might do with 5th Grade today.  She explained that her computer was broken, and that she 'could not teach da students' without it.  So...she wanted to have the 5th Grade students give a 'practice' speech today.  I said that this sounded reasonable (although my brain was wondering why the fuck she can't teach without a computer) and suggested that rather than sit around watching the 5th Grade students 'practice' my time might be better spent helping the TiCOS to judge the actual 6th Grade competition.  She didn't listen.  She kept repeating herself.  Over...and over...and over.  It was a fucking nightmare...or business as usual.  So I ended up saying, 'yeah, sure whatever.'  I spoke to the TiCOS about it, and she was quite miffed...not least of all because she couldn't understand how YouYou can't teach without a computer. 
This morning...I went to YouYou's class...and she had made 'judging sheets' for me (with my name written at the top) to judge the 5th Grade speeches.  I explained to her that there was no way that I was going to judge the 5th Grade speeches on Tuesday, when their speech contest is on Friday.
"No," she said, "you should just write down the score you think and den I can use it to help me on Friday."
"That's not fair, you can't tell the kids that there's a speech contest on Friday and then use my scores from a Tuesday practice to judge them."
"It's just a guide."
"No.  It's not fair.  There's no way I will do that.  I'm not giving them grades for these speeches.  Sorry."  I was stunned to be honest...but not as stunned as I was about to be.
"You see, I hab only been a teachu here for da short time...you hab been a teachu for more dan tree years...you should help me." Well...that was a red rag to a bull.
"Listen.  I give you advice every single day, and you ignore it.  I try to help you but you don't think you need help because you think you know everything...and now...you realise that you don't and you want me to disadvantage the students to help you!  That's ridiculous!  I told you four weeks ago that you should schedule the speech contest on the Tuesday so that we could judge it together but you wouldn't listen...and now that the other teachers have gotten into your ear about how the parents complain if their kid doesn't win...you want me as your back-up!  It's not gonna happen.  Not today...not any day.  I gave you help."  That was enough for me.  i went to the back of the room and sat down.

So...I watched some 5th Grade speeches.  What a total waste of my time.  She's yelling at them and forcing them to get up and do their speech...and it's just ugly.  Real ugly.  The room's a fucking oven too...because it's on the 'hot side' of the school...but when I opened a few windows YouYou told me she 'has da eye allergy' and ordered them closed.  So I came back to my office.

It's going to be an interesting day.

Stay tuned.

Mixed up kind of shit...

Hey Burnfans!

I'm writing something today after all!  Hooray for you!  Did you read what I wrote yesterday?  You should.  It's very important.  If you didn't read it, then you might find today a little confusing.  You should be alright...but who knows?  Not me. I assume you're all semi retarded.  So...go and have a gander and come back.  What?  You lazy fucker!  O.K.  Here's a link....here.  Bloody hell!  It never ends with you!

So...did you read it?  Thanks.  Now I don't have to explain shit twice.

It's been a mixed day.  A little good...and a little bad.  Let's start with the bad.

YouYou has been annoying.  It seems that she forgot to tell the kids the rules for the speech contest...and she also decided that it was a voluntary thing...so if the kids didn't want to do it...they didn't have to.  I mean...what's the fucking point hey?  I promise you, if things were voluntary like that when I was at school, I would have done less than the sweet fuck all that I managed to get away with.  What's the fucking point?  At one point I'd had enough.  Two boys in a row said that they would not do the speech...both of them boys who had lived overseas for years.  So I took them outside and asked them if they had bothered to tell their mother that there was a speech contest.  They both admitted that they had not.  So...I went back into the room and asked the students who had not told their mother's about the speech to raise their hands.  Now...even though five kids raised their hands....YouYou said, "Dey hab all telled dere modahs about da speech contest.  I told dem to tell dere modahs."  I lost my thin veneer of cool (the only thin thing about me to be honest) and told her that I might accept that she's a cunt, but I don't accept that she's a blind cunt.  "Open your cunting eyes YouYou, you annoying puddle of goat's shite.  See those little hands in the air?  Well...there are five of them...do you know why?  No?  Well...there are only five hands, so you ken that the question wasn't 'who thinks YouYou is a fucktard?'. No?  Well...I asked who hadn't told their mum about the speech contest...and those five kids put their hand up.  So...it seems that you're as wrong as a fella with six inches up a goat doesn't it?"  Well....of course I didn't really say that.  I actually said, "Well, it appears that they didn't pass that along."

So...you get the basic narrative line from here.  I'm a champion and a all of that shit...whilst YouYou is a demented fucktard.  I do everything just exactly how it should be done...and she does everything wrong.  I am the great hero...she is the super villain.

So...to that end...she's put a sign up in the English Zone -
"YouYou's Class
***NO Korean Speaking!***
But if you need to speak in Korean,
raise your hand, you may ask
MiMi for get a permission, please~
"May I speak in Korean?"

What a fucktard!  All year we've argued about this.  I don't get what the point of asking questions on English and having the kids answer in Korean is.  I mean...who benefits?  The same kids answer all of the questions...except they speak in Korean instead of speaking in English. All that it does is attempt to put me out of the lesson (because she hasn't figured out that I can understand the basic Korean that the kids are using).  There is no educational benefit at all.  None.  Nada.  Zip.

So.  That's the bad news.

The good news.

Well...today was the speech contest.  YouYou was asked by the TiCOS to photocopy the judging sheets so that we could mark the speeches.  YouYou forgot.  It's the first time she's ever been asked to do anything for the TiCOS.  The TiCOS wasn't happy.  So...YouYou will receive a talking too.  I'm happy, just because it gives the TiCOS a little insight into what I've been saying since YouYou started here.

At the same time...the Vice Principal and the Principal asked the TiCOS if there is anything wrong with my relationship with YouYou.  They told the TiCOS to fix the problem...and if it can't be fixed they will terminate YouYou's contract.  Now...I'm not the sort of cunt who wants some old bird put on the fucking soup line...so what I'm hoping is that once she's told to get her cunt in order...she'll pull her socks up rather than get fired.  We shall see.

Open Class this week.

YouYou has her Open Class on Friday...and the TiCOS and I have ours at the same time.

Should be a lively afternoon!

Have a day Burnfans!

A Sunday night post.

Hello Burnfans!  How goes it?  You feeling gravy?  I'm feeling gravy!  Well...kind of.  I'm posting on a Sunday night.  Why?  Well...tomorrow is gonna be busy.  Third Grade speech contest with YouYou.  I imagine things will get a little bit fruity...weird...and possibly combative.  That's the way shit goes.

So...I'm feeling alright.  Reflective.  I have this sort of lingering feeling of unhappiness about my school life, and I think it's coming from the way shit works.  I used to be the only English Teacher at my school.  I never used to judge the Speech Contest until the finals.  Now...because there are three English Teachers...we are judging the contest in the early stages.  I don't mind that, but the what I do mind is that the decision about who judges which grades was not made by me.  It was made by YouYou, the NYT and the TiCOS.  This means that I will judge 3rd and 4th Grade...but not 5th and 6th Grade.  This annoys me.  With 6th Grade I can dig the why.  Speech contest has to be next week...however...so does my open class with the TiCOS.  So...we can't do 6th Grade together.  That's fair enough I guess.  With 5th Grade....there's no reason.  Just YouYou.  She hates 5th Grade...so for her...not planning a lesson (I plan the lesson when we teach together) and just sitting back and listening to the kids talk...well...that must seem like a good idea.  This shits me.  I mean...why is it her fucking decision?  Who the fuck is she?  I've been here for three fucking years...why shouldn't I have an opinion?  It's sticking in my Burncraw.

I mean...I may have mentioned this before...but my school has started doing this sort of thing a little more than I would like.  Choosing books without consulting me...planning all manner of shit without asking me...telling me...or giving a fuck about how they impact on my day.  I spoke the the TiCOS about it.  About how me being shuffled off to an office (not having a classroom) and then ignored...kind of shits me.  She said that she understood...which I appreciated...but we won't know if she really gets it for a little while.  I'm dubious.  I love the TiCOS...but these kind of things are the things that her and I had trouble with before she was my co-teacher...back when she was just the TiCOS.

Now...you may have noticed that I mentioned that I have an Open Class this week with the TiCOS.  It's on Friday...but I get the feeling that it's gonna be a busy week...so expect more of these night time posts...and less of the two or three a day posts....unless something really pisses me off.  The TiCOS is pretty solid...but Open Class is a surefire way to fuck with a Korean Teacher's head.  I need to devote a LOT of time this week to making sure that she's calm and relaxed and understands the lesson.  I've planned a pretty solid lesson now (a brilliant Opening Hook, TPR, discussion and song....the shit from the book and then an awesome game that we both worked on and invented for the lesson)...so if she can get into the lesson, understand it and believe in it...we should be totally cool!  I am preparing for the worst though...it's always good to hope for the best...but prepare for the worst!

So....a busy week looms...and a quietish weekend was had.

A lovely Friday night with my friend Hye-Won...we went to a photography exhibition.  Karsh.  It was great...some lovely portraits...and great company.  No complaints except maybe the massive crowds....and the fact that Audrey Hepburn's photo had a huge accompanying biography...yet people who actually did SOMETHING had nothing more than their name and their occupation (Mother Theresa - Nun, Nelson Mandela - Politician, Winston Churchill - Politician).  I don't know why...but it just pissed me off...this fucking thing...not with Korea...but with the World!  This thing where movie stars and 'celebrities' are considered so fucking special!  Where the achievements of people who faff about looking good and repeating word written for them by people that they despise....are considered to be the best and brightest of their generation!  Fuck the cult of celebrity.  Fuck it square in its Hello Magazine shaped arsehole.

Saturday was gravy.  I caught up with my old pal Reid and we wandered about Gyeonbokgoong.  Don't worry...this isn't that sort of blog.  I will just say that the Palace looked nice all lit up...and it's worth seeing if you find out that it will be lit up again.

Today...I went to Hooters with Joey...had three beers and then got a headache.  I'm so lame sometimes I wanna cockpunch myself.  I haven't said cockpunch for ages!

Alright...it's Sunday night...and I'm gonna fuck off.  Night night cunts!

Googling about on a Friday afternoon...

Heya Burnfans!  How are you?  Happy as a pack of cunts at some sort of government sanctioned cunt far?  I bet you are! 

Me?  Well...I'm alright.  I'm tired as all fuck though.  Been burning the candle at both ends a wee bit this week...and am feeling it a little.  Can barely keep the eyes open.  So...I'm writing this.  Nothing too grand...just a brief look into the terms that people have typed to end up on this piece of shit blog.

"mix fucking virgin with korea and english"
Wow!  I mean.  Wow!  It's not often that I can't even guess what the searcher was after. I mean...the first three words suggest porn...the final four words suggest subtitles.  Subtitled porn?  What the kimchi? (sorry Flint old buddy....I had to steal it!)

"forgot about nuclear rain korea"
It seems to me that the largest percentage of people who come to this page by mistake...are fucktards.  I mean...what kind of fuckhead searches for 'forgot about nuclear rain korea'?  I mean...what are you looking for?  People saying, "Oh there wasn't any nuclear rain" then other people saying "yeah there was...you forgot".  There wasn't.  I mean...there was no 'nuclear rain'.  People are enjoying getting all horny on their own legs about this 'nuclear rain' issue...but there was no nuclear rain.  People are sometimes the lowest animals about.

"1hubba.kt" Weird.  Hubba is one of the best four people on the planet.  KT is a terribly lame Korean phone company.  They meet at last!

"my kids are cunts"
It's nice to see my dear old Mum getting online and searching for shit.  Just kidding.  Having said that...who the fuck googles that?

"we kicked out of english class"
Well...you should pay attention in class.  Your sentence structure is terrible...I mean...don't get me wrong...I'm a 'native speaker' and I can't write for shit...BUT...no cunt is kicking me out of class either!  Having said that...your teacher needs to learn how to manage a class.  Kicking people out is never the answer.

"i have english class"
I have no giving a fuck.

"fuck you eurovision"
That's a wee bit harsh!  i just watched this year's Eurovision the other day...cracking show!  I mean...clearly Ireland deserved to win...but what are you gonna do?



Just kidding by the way.  No way "Jedward" were gonna win!  i mean...to win Eurovision you DO need lots of crazy hair...but not like that....more like this classic winner from 2004...Ruslana from the Ukraine with "Wild Dances" (brilliant!).



Lena was back again this year. She won last year with her song about purchasing underpants and saying the word "day" in a weird Australiany kind of way.



Here's her less convincing 2011 number (a better song in my opinion...but never gonna win Euro!)-





"quotes about teachers fucking off"
None of those here fella...stroll on.


""english conversation teacher" boring"
Well...I wish my English Conversation Teacher was boring...if you want to understand why...feel free to peruse the blog.

That's it.

I'm outta here.

I'm hoping there'll be time to put my own shit onto the new blog...but I forgot to do my footy tips last week...so need to manage my time carefully!

Have a great weekend Burnfans!

It's a blur...

Today's been a blur.

No sooner had the TiCOS told me that she had to leave the school this afternoon...so I should take it easy and not do Teacher's Class...than it was three hours later and she was telling me that the Principal has purchased melon (unspecified melon) for all of the teachers and we will receive this wonderful gift during Teacher's Class.  So...not only is the class back on...but the Principal will attend!  Fuck!  Naturally she told me this at the last minute...because...that's when she would have found out about it. 

So...here I am in the middle of making a ppt about the bloody washing machine's one year vacation in Australia (I know...Elementary School is mental sometimes!), and planning to make a washing machine bomb game to follow...when suddenly I need to make a bumper Teacher's Class lest the Principal kick my mothertrucking arse from here to Melbourne. 

What a fucking drama.

Lucky for me the Remedial Class has been cancelled...as proof of the smarts of the kids involved, it was cancelled because they had a special P.E class and then forgot to come back inside.  All of them.  Forgetting their bags...and two of them their phones.  Brilliant.  no wonder they can't remember any bloody verbs!

Wish me luck!

Thursday!!!!

Hey Burnfans!

The week doesn't half fuck off quickly!  It was only yesterday that I was cockpunching myself so that i wouldn't have to listen to YouYou poisoning my poor student's minds...and that was Monday!  So...here we are...Thursday!  Fuck yeah!  It's been a good week hasn't it?  I mean...a little bit of ㅠ.ㅠ with YouYou back on Monday and Tuesday...but Wednesday was a fucking blast!  I taught 4th Grade with the NYT.  This was gravy.  We had a good time.  The kids were cool.  Nae fucking drama.  Then, in the afternoon, I had the Special Class.  Well...it was a rare fucking treat!  I've given the kids a project to do...and they're taking it very seriously.  Well...most of them have. 

See...here's the deal with the Special Class.  Currently there are 16 students....13 girls...and 3 boys.  Which is fucked...but it's what you get when you have a 'Musical Class'!!  The kids have to sing and dance every Tuesday and Thursday with the 'Musical Teacher'...and then they have the joy of 'studying' on Wednesday.  So...there aren't a lot of boys who are particularly keen on doing that...I think this is amplified by the fact that the play they are doing is The Sound Of Music.  Vomit!  So...poor little JH has decided to revolt.  He won't do any work.  Yesterday, while the other kids worked on their projects, he wandered about the room chatting to them and generally being a distraction.  I called him to the front of the room and we had a good chat for twenty minutes or so.  He lived all over Europe for seven years, and has come back to Korea this year.  When they first came back, he couldn't really speak Korean, so his mum made him join the Special Class so that he could meet other kids who speak English.  This worked...but...he hates the singing and dancing so much that he has begged his mum to let him leave.  He suggests that he doesn't need to be in the class now...he's met the people in the class...and he is getting better with his Korean.  I am inclined to agree.

So.

After class we had a Teacher's Dinner to welcome the four New Young Teachers!  We went to Ashley...which is some manner of fruity buffet.  Koreans love to eat at buffets.  The food at Ashley was alright...it's like a poor man's V.I.P's (for those of you in Korea...for those of you not in Korea...just imagine a buffet with relatively fresh but not particularly amazing food).  The dinner was nice but I must say that the new regime are a little more tame in their partying than the old regime.  With the old VP there was none of this sedate buffet style dining...it was bbq, soju and beer all the way!  Hoorah!  We used to get pretty drunk and then stagger over for some Norae!  The new fella was happy enough to leave by 7...sober!  What a shame!!  I ended up going for coffee and gossip with the lady teachers...and it was worthwhile.  A nice chat and some worthwhile gossip.  All in all...a nice evening.

So...today.

One Grade 4 class.

One Remedial English Class (that group of ten 6th Grade students who can't read or write in English...and we use a book entirely in Korean....so I still have no idea what's going on).

One Teacher's Class.  No idea what we'll do today.  I hate Teacher's Class.  Actually...that's not fair.  i don't hate it...I fear it.  I need to sort myself out and plan the lesson better...and teach it properly...stop fucking about.

So...that's all for the morning...probably get my blog on again later today...although you should check the new blog later...because there should be a new post on there before lunch.

Have a great day Burnfans!

I love you all...you cunts!

Shit My Kids Write...Teacher's Day Edition!

Hello Burnfans!

I hope you are both well.  Now...as you may have guessed, Teacher's Day is still on the outs at my school.  Kids aren't allowed to give gifts, letters, cards, or notes to teachers.  They still do it though.  Because they're champions!  I got some lovely Scotch this year...and some chocolate...and flowers...but even better than that...I got some nice letters...and here they are.

"To Burndog Teacher.  Hello, Teacher.  I'm Mary.  Thank you for teaching me.  I will learn hard for you.  Then Bye!"

(the above was given to me on the Friday with some chocolates...the next letter came on Monday)

"Teacher.  I'm Mary.  My Mother said "Write a letter for Burndog."  So I have to write a letter for you.  Anyway, does chocolate was delicious?  I hope it was delicious.  Then bye~"

"Burndog teacher, I'm Candy.  I so appreciating to you.  Always!  you're my best English teacher ever!!  I'm so thank you.  Next year I will goto middle school.  Then I will come Generic Korean Elementary School every teacher's day!  I will miss you.  No! I should, must miss you because you are so so good, great, beautiful^^, pretty^^, gentle, kind, Amazing teacher!  Burndog teacher thank you so much. I will think you until I die.  Bye!"

"Hellow, teacher!
I think you are a best teacher ever!  English is very fun. Because I learn English with you.  happy teacher's day!!"

"Burndog
Happy teacher's day!  Thank you for teach me english.  I love english time because I like english.  And we do lots of game.  I like you very much!  Window 나가!"

"Dear Burndog teacher,
Hello.  I'm writing this to you because two days later is teacher's day.  Thank you for teaching me very well.  I learned lot's of things from you.  If you wasn't my teacher, I have couldn't learn so much good things.
Bye~ Happy Teacher's Day!
From your good student, JooHee."

"Dear Burndog,
Thanks for teaching us English fun.  I am writing message because Sunday is teachers day.  You are a very happy person."

"To Burndog,
Hello.  Today's Teachers day.  Thank you for teaching us english fun.  You did a lot of games for us and I could be always fun in the English class.  Thank you."

"Dear, Burndog.
Thanks for making me the wolf.  Thanks for teaching me and happy teacher's day."

"To Burndog teacher,
Hellow Burndog teacher?
Teacher is very funny teacher.  Teacher I love."

"To Burndog Teacher,
Hellow!  I think you are the funny teacher.  When I study with you I'm so fun. Because I study with you teachers day is coming congratulations get a happy day!"

"To Burndog Teacher.
Teacher, I am Steffany.  i am so sad because you are leaving.  I want you to stay here.  I will study hard for special class.  Then bye."

Thoughts - Not sure what's with the "English Fun" thing...or the "Then bye" group.  I'll need to weed that out.  Not sure exactly why Steffany thinks I'm leaving...but I think it's because I mentioned that I have signed on for another year...they assume that I will leave...in one year!  Weird stuff...but it goes to show...you've got to choose your words well around kids.

The end.

Time for Special Class.

hoorah!

To answer a simple question...

Hello Burnfans!

How are you?  I'm gouda.  A cracking morning teaching Grade 4 with the NYT...and now...it's Open Class time so we get a free period!  Hooray!  So...having planned this week and next already...I'm free to answer a simple question that was posed to me on my Formspring.  There are a few questions there, and I plan to answer them all...but this first question is going to take a little bit to answer so...here goes.

"if youre so unhappy with classes.. why dont you simply change schools?"
Alright...it's not a bad question...or a difficult one...but it does make a lot of different answers pop into my shitty brainbox all at once.  I will answer as well as I can. 

I could have changed schools a few weeks ago.  I had some offers on the table for August and September and I was thinking about having a month or four off and coming back.  I didn't.  Why?  Well, for starters, it's an overstatement to suggest that I am 'so unhappy with my classes'.  I mean...I have three co-teachers.  THREE.  One of them is annoying.  ONE.  The other two are great.  TWO.  Not sure why I keep doing that shitty capital letters thing. SHITTY.  So, I have two days a week where I work with someone who annoys me, and three days a week where I work with teachers that I enjoy working with.  I thoroughly enjoy school three days a week, and enjoy every aspect of school except for one person on each of the other days.  It seems stupid to leave a school where three out of five days are gravy enough.

Here's the deal...every single school has things that you're going to love about it...and things that you're going to hate.  Leaving this school because there are a few small things and one YouYou sized thing that shit me, would be a dick move.  it would be like those losers that you meet who came to Korea because they were miserable at home...and then within three months they're wondering why they're miserable in Korea!  Fact is, you take your shit with you.  These are the first three co-teachers I've ever had...and I consider myself lucky that two out of the three are gravy...I mean...I know people where three out of three are loop bags...and I know people where all of their co's are great...but the Vice Principal is crazy and always up in their shit.  No...there's no perfect Korean school.  There's no perfect anywhere school.  Fuck...there's no perfect anywhere job!  Everywhere you work there are arseholes, or fucktards...even if you work from home! 


The final reason I won't change schools is because I've signed a contract, and I intend to honour my contract.  I mean....I'm a fucking teacher...I'm supposed to be in some way responsible.  It's not a responsible move to not honour a contract.  In fact...it's exactly the sort of thing that I would call someone a cunt about.  Terrible sentence that!  Fact is, those job offers I mentioned before, all came a week or two too late for me to have left my current school with the appropriate level of notice at the end of the last contract.  Why work hard and do a good job somewhere just to leave in a shady way that creates negativity?  No.  It's also that I promised my original group of third grade students that I would be at their graduation...and I plan on being there.  I might be a cunt, but I'm not the kind of cunt who shits on a contract and breaks promises with students. 

I guess what I'm saying is...I'm not the kind of cunt to just run away.


"What is the worst advise you have ever taken and/or given?"
Nice question Sir.  I don't ask a lot of advice.  I do give a lot.  Lucky for the cunts who seek my mind words...all of the advice I've given has been sound.  They are all better for it.  Every single one of them!  I can only recall one piece of poor advice I've been given and it was bird related.  I shan't go into too much detail to spare the innocent...but I will say that there was a bird who was interested in me (this goes back about seven years by the way) and I wasn't sure.  I thought she was a bit of a bunny boiler...but my dear old mate suggested that I was a fool for ignoring such obvious assets...for they were bountiful...and that I would be remiss to not give her a chance.  This is sounding far more sexist than it felt at the time.  Anyway...I was still hung up on another bird and was completely unable to commit properly...and after a few weeks of on again off again ploughing (which does sound as bland as it felt) I decided that I could no longer pretend.  I told her that it wasn't gonna work.  She went mental.  The advice was poor. 

I am sure that she curses whichever of her friends convinced her that I was a good option too.

"How much cash you save a year?"
A clumsy foray into question asking here...and I shall not go into detail.  Suffice to say that I saved nothing in my first year...and a little more than nothing in the years since.  I like to go home...or travel.  It's expensive.


Thanks for the questions...I'm always happy to answer your shit...so please ask me as much as you like!

Just below this shit. 

Bye for now!

A happy Burndog?

Good Morning my dear Burnfans!

How are you? I'm sure you're in a fine mood! Why? Well...at the risk of repeating myself (as if I don't do that every single time I pound this keyboard with my sausage-like digits) it is a beautiful day here in Korea (and I assume everywhere else in the World). So...I'm sure you've wondered for a while now what a happy Burndog might look like...I mean...we haven't seen one in 2011 have we? We had the end of things with The Bird, and then the horror of working with YouYou...I mean...there's been no time for a fat man to crack a smile or even a woody.

But...today...Burndog woke up happy! He walked to school like some fat, happy, semi-retarded, third person talking fucktard! All was well in my happy Burndog Universe. Then I had my first class with YouYou. Sure...things didn't go exactly to plan. I mean...she stomped on my shit and was quite obnoxious a fair amount of the time...but...the good vibes rolled on brothers and sisters...this was indeed a happiness that YouYou couldn't wear down in a mere forty minutes.

Over 160 minutes however, it's a different story. Happy Burndog is dead. Thank you YouYou you terrible cunt! Fuck. I tried my best. i really did. I'm not sure where the line was...but there was definately a moment where I realised that I wasn't gonna go back to happy. Maybe it was when she cut me off by playing the fucking DVD over the top of me for the thirteenth time, perhaps it was when she shouted "EBERYOOOOONE" over the top of my question for the 13th time...but...most likely it was when I left a pause for the student's to answer a question and she said the missing word as though I don't know how to speak English. I lost my thin veneer of cool and snapped, "yes, that's right YouYou Teacher, but you don't need to finish my sentences, I can speak English." She didn't even notice. I think that's the problem. She doesn't notice. i will ask the student's to open their books...and they will...and within a minute she will scream, "EBERYOOOONE, open your books to pagee 60 noooow." It's like I'm invisible.

So...for this lesson I made a simple Jeopardy Game. Nothing fancy. But, YouYou is a total computer and technology retard. The first lesson she demanded that she be behind the PC...and she cunted up my lovely game. Kept pressing space instead of clicking on the little house. It's not difficult. Completely ruined the game for the first class. In the next class, because she is shit bags with the computer stuff, and ruined the last game...I suggested that I should handle the computer shit...so she said "O.K"...but she didn't bother to do the points...no...she just stood next to the computer looking surly. So I'm doing everything and she's standing there with a sour fucking puss. She is one of those 'sit behind the computer and teach on my arse' kind of teachers, and heaven forbid that something gets in her way! So...I gave her control of the game again...and before you can say fucktard...she's fucked it again. I just stared at her. I really thought that I was going to do my block...but I didn't. I maintained my Zen like sense of self.

Now...I know that you cunts will say that I need to talk with her, or yell at her, or do something loco...but...I've done it all. I've talked...I've yelled...I've begged...I've pleaded. Everything. There's a point where you realise that she isn't doing anything because she's a terrible person...she just has no idea what she's doing. None at all. She's completely empty. Vacant. Mentally abandoned. It doesn't matter how many times I tell her that the students are supposed to answer our questions in English (hence the name, "English Class"), she's always going to have the students answer in Korean. It doesn't matter how many times I tell her to check the student's comprehension before moving on...she's gonna just keep moving forward without a second fucking glance. It doesn't matter. It's not something that I can fix with one chat, or a million hard words. Even if I had a gun to her head...she'd still do what she does. In the end...she's not reall a fucktard...or a cunt...or any of thsoe other words I regularly use...no. She's just a stupid person who thinks that she's a genius. There's no more dangerous combination. A stupid person who knows that they're stupid...well...they take care and think things through and try their best. A stupid person who thinks they're a genius...well...they just plough on and assume that everyone else is too stupid to keep up with them.

So...I need to accept that it's not going to change...and just try and not let it piss me off. I mean...it's a big world...the are stupid people everywhere...I'm just lucky enough to work with one of them.

One class left.

I'm assuming that my little epiphany will see me happy in forty minutes...but...there's every chance that I will be back here scratching my head/nuts and wondering how the fuck I get myself into these stupid situations!

Wish me luck!

What Burndog did...

Hello there...it's me...your old chum Burndog. 
I just walked out of class.  I walked into class.  I sat down (at one of the kids desks) and I looked down into the little fella's eyes.  He looked up at me and said "Teacher...why?" 
"You're right, this demeans us both," I replied, and I excited the classroom.  The TiCOS doesn't have a class on Monday mornings, so I went to see her.  I explained to her what had happened...the whole story...the whole I made a ppt and YouYou decided that she wanted to practice her open class and I think that's fine but why should I have to watch it...story.  The TiCOS agreed  with me.  It's a bit stupid to have me sit there for 160 minutes watching some old biddy mangle her way through a lesson plan.

So...I'm in my office.  I'm going to go and see YouYou after class and explain to her why I left...and she will be happy enough with it all.

I also had a chat with the TiCOS about my general unhappiness about the way things are at school these days.  There have been a few things lately that I feel are a bit shit.  Thing one goes back to when the Grade Three and Four text books were selected...and nobody asked your old chum Burndog which book he would like to use.  That annoyed me.  I mean...I have to teach from these books...so why shouldn't I get a say in what I teach?  Thing two is a big thing.  I'm sick and tired of hearing about shit from the students first.  There is a speech contest next week...and the students have been asking me questions about it...but nobody bothered to tell me shit about it!  The reason?  Well, it's up to the TiCOS, the NYT and YouYou whether they judge the speech contest with me, or on their own!  I explained to the TiCOS that I don't think it's right that these sort of things should be decided for me and not by me.

She understood what I meant.  Sound teacher the TiCOS...she always understands what I mean. 

The key to doing well at a Public School is to never get involved in the politics behind the scenes...but to always understand it.  YouYou is low on the social totem pole...so I can afford to risk making her annoyed.  The NYT is both New and Young, so if I upset her I will be viewed as a bully and a cunt and everyone will assume that I am a horrible person.  The TiCOS is well liked by the other teachers because she is kind, and ambitious...but her ambitions are all related to English, so it's safe!  So I can't take any chances with the TiCOS and the NYT...but with YouYou...if push comes to shove...I have the support of the TiCOS and the NYT so I will be alright.  The second key is to not take shit for granted.  Which is to say...even though I ken the score (as outlined above)...I can't push the issue.  I still have to do everything in my power to not upset YouYou if I can help it.  It's kind of like any job.  There are always people who shit you...but you're always better off keeping the peace!

Now...I the bell went...class is over...I'd best go and talk to YouYou and explain my walk out!

Later!!

* Edit - 11:19.  I went and spoke to YouYou and she  was gravy with me checking out last lesson.  now she wants me to go and sit in the next class and mark off the lesson plan 'how she is doing'.  It never ends.

YouYou are going to kill MeMe.

Morning Burnfans,

Well, it's another day in paradise here at Burnblog HQ.  It took all of three minutes with YouYou to rape my mind of the joyous images from the weekend.  I was walking to school in a happy frame of mind...the sun shining, birds singing, music playing (so how the fuck I heard the birds singing is a fucking miracle), and remembering last night's drinks in Itaewon (yes, I am willing to live up to the odd stereotype for you cunts) and Friday's epic win over those black and white cunts!  Fucking great day for a fat man to be alive.  Then...I got to school and remembered my meeting with YouYou on Friday afternoon...

Knock, knock, barge open the fucking door.
"Oh Burndog teacha I wanna talk wid you about Monday lesson." You You barged.
"Of course!  No problem.  I looked at the lesson plan, and this lesson's a little light, so I've made a bomb game, and thought we could add some extra vocabulary, seeing as how the kids seem to know how to say 'Happy Birthday' already." I replied, not shocked by her appearance or the rude manner in which it came about.
"No I wanna do dis lesson for my open class next week, so I needa plactice it." She said.
"Sure," I replied, momentarily thinking I was talking to a resonable human being, "you can just put my bomb game into your open class lesson, the game in the book blows...the kids will fucking hate it.
"No, I needa plactice for da open class, so I needa do da lesson."
"So, you're saying that you want to teach the whole lesson, and I should do nothing?"
"I needa plactice for da open class."
"Oh, well....ummm...sure...why not...I mean...you need to...um...plactice...practice!"

Well...you can imagine that once I remembered that conversation I kinda lost my buzz.  So...how bad can it be?  I mean, I remember when people used to whine about their co-teacher doing all of the work...I thought, "I wish I didn't have to do any work."  That's what I used to think.  Now I understand the misery that comes with sitting in a classroom while some crazy bitch slaughters my mother tongue, belittles and aggravates my students, and, somehow...manages to demean me at the same time.  At the end of second period she said, "Thanks for joining wid YouYou today."  Like I'm as invisible as I feel.  Just sitting there...for 160 minutes...listening to her prattle on and on...watching her fuck up the lesson every single fucking time!  I mean...is it difficult to ask questions that test the student's comprehension?  Is it difficult to time your lesson so that you get everything done in forty minutes?  Is it difficult to ask questions using English that the students can understand, so that they can answer correctly?  Should you then belittle the student for answering the question that you ACTUALLY fucking asked, and not the question that you IMAGINED that you fucking asked?  I mean...I can see how you think saying "What should you say when it is someone's birsday and you wanna give them da birsday thing?" means that the answer should be "Dis is for you" and not "Happy Birsday"...but at the same time...you're wrong.  Those little Grade 3 kids that you're treating like retards...well...they actually got the answer to your question right...but they aren't mind readers...so they didn't get the answer to your imagination right.

So...back to it.  We're only halfway through...80 minutes to go.

I anticipate a further post after the next two lessons have expired.

Oh...and one more thing...I did the right thing in allowing her to do this to me today.  So long as I don't lose my fucking mind over the next two periods, I will have bought myself some good will through letting her practice her open class.

But at the same time...I've paid a heavy fucking price.

Speak to you at lunch.

Tuesday kind of Thursday...

Hello there Burnfans!

Only one day until we have fucktards posting that horrible fucking song all over their Facebook pages.  I watched Spicks and Specks (an Australian television program) the other day and they played a minute of the clip...one of the chaps on the show claimed to have never heard of it before...but he said it four or five times like..."Now...I've never heard of this song before but it makes me want to die...like...not that I've ever heard it before....but if I had heard it before...which I haven't...I would feel like my ears had been raped."  It wasn't very convincing.  Anyway...hello there!

Thursday.  Not a terrible day, but not a great day.  No classes until third period...makes for a relaxing morning of lesson planning and typing out this shit.  In fact...I only have three classes all day...one before lunch and then my remedial class (which is set for its second big lesson...I still haven't got any idea what the book says...and we still don't have a classroom) followed immediately by my Teacher's Class.  We haven't had Teacher's Class for ages...it's only the second class...and most of the teachers were missing for the first one (there was an Open Class).  I think it's fair to say that it promises to be an interesting afternoon.

I still despise Teacher's Class.  This is based purely on the shitness of planning 'interesting, topical, and awesome' lessons for the teachers every week in my first year...so I'm hoping that this year might be better.  The first class was fucking painful though.  A bunch of teachers sitting about and not talking.  It drove me fucking nuts.  I would ask a simple question.  They would all stare at their feet.  I would ask a slightly more difficult question...they would stare at their feet.  I would ask a simple question.  They would stare at their feet.  This, for what it's worth, was the 'Advanced Class', with teachers who majored in English at University.  The TiCOS was beside herself.  I had told her that it would be forty minutes in hell...but she didn't believe me.  Ten minutes in, she had developed that distant, glassy, horrified stare that we all get at some point during Teacher's Class.

So...I am hoping that today will be better, but who the fuck knows?  Not me.  I mean...the last class had the TiCOS (who tried her best to make punters chit and chat), the NYT (who sat silent because her three best friends were in the classroom and she was clearly worried about looking like a tit), the nurse, the newly married young 6th Grade teacher, the three other NYT's and me.  There are a few teachers who missed the last class who will hopefully make a difference....maybe.  I mean...there's SH...who was my co-ordinator during my first two years...and applied to be the English Co-Teacher...but was spurned in favor of the TiCOS (so she might be chatty...but she is a little bitter and not at all helpful this year).  There's also KNY...who is my best friend at school (aside from the TiCOS)...but who often clams up in groups.  I guess you can also add the old Rabbit Teacher...he has been quite chatty since he came back from military service...so he might chime in with the odd helpful tidbit.  He might not too.

In short...I have three classes...one simple 4th Grade class with the TiCOS...one class that has a book i can't read and no classroom...and one class where everyone sits mute and confused and somewhat pissy.  Should be awesome!

Have a day!

Formspring...and shit about life.

Hey Punters!

How is your day pooping along?  Nicely I wager.  See...that's why I'm not a betting man...I'd blow all of my fucking dough before lunchtime on stupid bets about how your day is going and shit like that.  So...I just steer clear of gambling related shit.  Best avoided. 

So...how was my six day long weekend?  It was alright.  A cunt can't complain about shit can he?  Not decent shit.  I don't remember what happened on Thursday...but that feels like a lifetime ago.  Friday was Sora's farewell shindig...so I dug some shins with my ole pal Foley.  It was nice...I got to have chats with a few punters that I hadn't met before...and ctach up with a few decent cats that I don't see often enough.  Nice time all around.  Especially the weird bloke who announced quite loudly that he had a girlfriend back in Cebu that he spent a week with a little while ago...this was...I think...to ward off the legions of horny babes that were circling him, just begging for some sexy action!!  Weird cunt...make no mistake.  It was also good to hear that other people find my latest frenemy to be a weird cunt...the story about her demanding a sit-down (mafia style) because someone had suggested that someone else was a lesbian...well...that was fucking priceless!  Even more so because the person a)wasn't offended and b)didn't want a 'sit-down' or anything resembling one!

Saturday was alright.  I think.  Again with the not really remembering exactly what went on.  I met my old gal pal Hyeran for lunch.  She was the second person that i met in Korea (the first was my chum Risky) outside of school...and this week is our three year anniversary.  Happy fucking days!  So we dined and chatted and had a nice lunch.  Sunday was a lovely day in terms of weather, so I caught up with my mate JP and watched a movie.  Yeah.  That's right.  If I'd known how cunty the weather was going to get on Monday and Tuesday I probably would have done something else!  Still...it was nice to see J Bags and the movie was the original Curse Of Frankenstein...so I could have done much worse with my time!  Monday and Tuesday were a series of cancellations and negotiations!  I was supposed to meet The Bird on Monday night...and she cancelled...and then I was supposed to meet her yesterday...and she cancelled.  I was supposed to meet my friend Beth on Monday...but she cancelled and my friend Hye Won on Tuesday...but she cancelled!  So....four cancellations in two days!  A new record!  Luckily I was able to rustle up some time with other friends...Min Jong and Kyung Jin...so I didn't feel that I had wasted any time!

What a boring fucking Burnblog hey?  I mean...I never promised you cunts anything...so you can't blame me...but lower your expectations even more next time please.

Having said that...it's not over yet!  I've still got a Formspring question to answer!  Hooray!  Some light entertainment coming your way.

"How much did you pay for the ipad/data plan? Worth it? Recommend it?"

Hello fellow nerd.  I paid 770,000 Won for the iPad.  It's a 32gig Wifi only model.  The reason for this is purely because I have an iPhone, and as a foreigner, we are only allowed to have one data plan!  So...you can't have a smart phone AND a 3G iPad!  I wasn't happy about that...but it doesn't matter.  I just make my iPhone a Wireless hub and surf the web through the phone (but on the iPad's larger screen).  Is the iPad worth it?  For sure.  I love being able to read magazines and newspapers in colour.  It's also great for watching videos with subtitles...something that is no good at all on the iPhone.

So...in short...I would recommend the iPad.  Part of me wishes I had the iPad one...simply because it's Jailbroken...but the iPad 2 is gravy...and when they get around to jailbreaking it...it should be great!

Have a good one Burnfans!

Oh...and please ask me a question or two...ya lazy cunts!

Long Week-ended.

So.  That's that.  The long weekend has fucked off and left us.  Now it's a matter of counting the weeks until the next one.  Actually...I don't really do that.  I mean...there are only ten or eleven weeks left of this semester...not long...then I get a three week vacation.  So there's no point getting too fuck nuts and retard strong about the fact that there's a three day weekend in a few short weeks.  No point at all.  No.  The next ten weeks are the business weeks.  Gone are the dizzy heights of sports day, field trips and other assorted class killers.  From here on in...it's business time.  Not like this...



Not even like this...





Nah...my business time is more about classroom management, lesson planning, getting along with my fellow teachers...and generally...getting shit done.  Having said that...I just sat down with the NYT and checked how we're doing with 'the book'.  We are going too quickly.  We're gonna end up finishing the book three weeks early.  If it was just me teaching...I reckon I could slow it down...but the NYT...is too N and Y to be great at the whole T thing.  Fuck.

So...a frustrating morning so far.  I have three classes before lunch...and two classes of 'Special Class' after lunch.  Before the break the NYT was busy so we didn't get a chance to plan today's lesson...but we taught it anyway...and it was alright.  Not great.  Not terrible.  Just alright.  The second class started and we waited...for twenty minutes.  We called the homeroom...nothing.  We messaged the homeroom...nothing.  We visited the homeroom...nothing.  So...after twenty minutes we decided to give up.  I went back to my office...but bumped into a student who YouYou had kicked out of English class.  He said that his friend made a joke...and he laughed.  He was sent outside, and his friend was sent to the back of the room.  Now...no doubt that YouYou has a bee in her bonnet about this kid....and everyone knows it...but I'm also certain that he didn't just walk quietly to the back of the room...so he probably got red carded for being a little bit cunty.  Right or wrong...that's how shit goes with the old YouYou teacher.  So...I had a chat with him for ten minutes or so about what he might need to do better and shit...and then...after 30 minutes...the NYT tells me that the homeroom teacher contacted her...and that she has moved the lesson into 4th period.  4th period!  My empty period...my spare...the 40 minutes in which I was going to plan and prepare this afternoon's Special Class!  Fuck!  What an annoyance! 

Still...it's my own fault...I should have planned the Special Class last week when I had some time...rather than trying to cram that shit into this morning.  Yes...it's annoying when a cunt doesn't get the advanced notice that he craves...but no...it's not new or exciting or unexpected or any of that shit.  I just wanted to vent...and I ken that you fuckers love me enough to put up with the fact that I am a big puddle of cry baby.

Anywhoo...I just wasted my spare ten minutes writing this shit...so that was productive.  I'll see you fuckers in hell!!!!!!!  I mean...I will try and jot down a little love note this afternoon.

Toodles Poodles.

Short post...because you miss me.

Evening Burnfans!

I have no idea why I'm writing this...or what I want to write...but I'm writing.  Why?  Because of you, my loyal Burnfans...who have visited my blog over the last two days in the usual numbers.  No drop off at all!  Weird shit!

So...I wanna say thanks.  A few short rants.

1 - 'Gangnam Freedom'?  No.  Sorry...you can't make a parody of a comedy song.  'Itaewon Freedom' was a genuinely funny and awesome song...'Gangnam Freedom' is just some frat boys who think that having sex with women when they're asleep is funny.  It's not.

2 - Desk Warming.  Don't complain about desk warming.  I've worked some shitty fucking jobs.  When I was at Uni I cleaned puke and shit filled toilets.  It was a horrible job.  Sitting at your desk, reading books, surfing the internet or watching movies is not worth complaining about.  Go work at a Hagwon if you think that's any better.

3 - Birds.  I find women quite confusing at times.  Maybe Australian women are less confusing...or maybe I've lost patience with Birding and the art of Birding...but I'm confused.

4 - Have a lovely weekend Burnfans!

I love you all!

I can't be fukced being apathetic.

Hey Burnfans!

I can't be fucked being apathetic.  I'm sick of being a cunt.

From now on...I'm back to being happy...positive...moderately upbeat.

Yeah.

Burndog's back baby!

Unless you're a fucktard...I mean...if you're a fucktard...I'm gonna call you a fucktard.  But...everyone else gets a free pass!

It's a long weekend here...so naturally I'm sick.  Fuck.  I've gotten myself a fucking eye in infection!  What a heap of shit.  I have to take meds...and 'stay inside' for three days.  I'm gonna do it too...simply because my eye FUCKING HURTS!  I mean...it really stings!  I'm not happy about it.

Aside from that...not much to report.  A beautiful sunny day.  I only had the after school class today..and I started them on a project...so they were pretty excited.  You think that the way to keep your kids happy is to throw them some simple games and activities...and then you give them something challenging...something that they can really sink their teeth into...and they light up!  It's the biggest lesson I've learned here...kids don't want to be spoon fed and 'occupied'.  They want to be challenged!  They love it!

So...today is the first day of year number four in Korea.  I've been here for three years.  It's surreal.  Time has flown.  It seems like yesterday that I left Giv Giv at the airport in Melbourne...yesterday that I touched down at Incheon and got into a taxi that crawled through Gyeonggi-Do on a wet spring night.  I wasn't in any way happy to here.  I remember wondering what the fuck I had done!  It was so confusing...coming to a country where I didn't know anything...or anyone.  Then I met John on the Wednesday of that week.  Dear old Risky....a champion fucking bloke if ever there was one!  My first eight months here were all about John...and Now Bar...and drinking...and meeting people and learning how to do what I do...then i met The Bird.  She changed everything.  Korea became a totally different place as I saw it through our relationship and through our interactions.  For two years, I came to understand Korea in a way that I hadn't imagined.

Now...we're through...and it's year four.  A fresh start in some ways...with The Bird and I breaking up...getting co-teachers and shit at school...and I've finally come to the realisation that I have to approach it with a 'fresh' attitude.  There was a lot that was good about the 'old life' that I've walked away from...but the next twelve months offers a lot of opportunities for me to see Korea in a new way again.  My friend Steph is leaving...but other friends like the Joe, The Outside View chaps, The Yongtong Crew, my Korean friends and a LOT of other people and Burnfans aren't going anywhere yet.  So...it's going to be a year of hard work, saving (I've got a four month vacation planned for next year), socialising and coffee.  I'm looking forward to it...and I'm looking forward to sharing it all with you loyal Burnfans.

Right after this six day holiday I'm about to embark on (having said that...I am going to be on the iPad for most of the weekend...so there's every chance that I might bang out a blog or two while I'm at it!).

Love you Burnfans.